what are you doing new years?

"Ah, but in case I stand one little chance,

Here comes the jackpot question in advance.

What are you doing New Years,

New Years Eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight,

When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night

Welcoming in the New Year

New Year's Eve

What are you doing New Years Eve?"

This is the first time in my history of New Year celebrations that I've actually planned to do something! The impulsive side of my 18 year-old mind is finding itself drawn to a masquerade party being thrown at a local pub in the ritzy downtown area of Edmonton, while the logical side is 'are you nuts? nu-uh : this is a galaxy outside your comfort zone! Dancing? Staying up late? TSK!' But now I'm shrugging it off. Oh well. The rebellious side of me has gotta shine through once in a while, right?

But this is as rebellious as it gets, folks. My girlfriends and I are going out to dance and eat large amounts of deep-friend food until the clock is well into the new year. At a fancy joint. On the classiest street of Edmonton. This is the extent of my 'partying'.

We are leaving the drunk-dancing and boy ogling to the girls of the trashy clubs down the street.

Did I mention this was a masquerade?! Who doesn't like to wear a fancy mask and act all mysterious? Just getting dressed up in general is fabulous. I'm very excited, but also a tad anxious, despite the fact that I've already confirmed who is attending, how everyone is getting to the event, where we are meeting, how we are leaving, and where we are crashing.... I can't help the OCD-side of my brain! I can't function without a plan, a back up plan, and a set of last resorts.

Ha, some rebellious streak I have.

Anywho. Enjoy your New Years Eve, whether you are going out downtown or catching a few extra zzz's after a long week. I wish you a happy and healthy new year!

Loveeeeee, Dani.

my new year's list.

Although I really hate goals and such, I really love lists.

I would rather die than pledge myself to do something, but would happily die trying to complete a list.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do!

And I'll update it frequently, cause what I want to do shouldn't take more than a year. Hopefully.

Here's a list of all the thing's I'm going to do/reach in 2010.

My To-Do's in 2010.

(everything accomplished will be bolded. )

1. get into the BScN at GMU for 2010.

2. finish Cell Microbiology with a swell mark... final % to be determined.

3. make a full dindin for the family

4. join a Young Adults group @ a church.

5. run a 10k race

6. run a 1/2 marathon

7. work at camp, hopefully for four months. but two is ok too.

8. move out.

9. create a long-term savings account/jar/money stash under my bed or in the bank.

10. buy the John Mayer album, Battle Studies

12. get +1 earpiercing.

13. get +1 tattoo

14. own a Magic Bullet, so I can feel magical when I attempt to make food.

15. see Avatar with Brooklynn.

16. take good pictures of good memories.

17. buy a teal ring.

18. go blonde.

19. finally resign from Starbucks.

20. find a PT job during schoooooool.

Hurray! Good luck to me, and to all of you!

Love, Dani.

joy.

In a week I move out! Wahooo!! If it wasn't obvious, I'm very excited.

Not only am I excited, but I'm filled with joy.

I am more excited to begin at Grant Mac than I ever was at the prospect of leaving for BC.

I think that this is what my time spent in limbo developed in me - patience, a deeper appreciation for education, and a stronger faith.

Studying nursing in September verified the fact that nursing is career I will love, as well as the fact that my family is too important to be away from.

I am able to see my experience in stress and turmoil in a more positive light now, although the ordeal was minimal when compared to what it could have been.

I am motivated beyond measure to love every second of my university life, and just simply live. I am filled with excitement to meet new people, create a network for myself, and yet remain just close enough to home to stay connected.

I am so very, very blessed.

Love always,

Dani.

boxing day.

So guess what I have the privilege of doing today? On this day of Boxing? Boxing Day? A maniacal day of unmeasurable shopping chaos?

I'm working.

Yup. For five hours.

I would have already lost my mind 'cept for the fact that it's my last ever shift at GAP for ever and ever and eternity.

Good riddance to you, retail.

Enjoy the pandemonium.

Love, D.

nursing, 2010.

I GOT INTO NURSING FOR WINTER, 2010!

A miracle.

Simple as that.

I have no idea how this happened, and can't even dream up an explanation as to why life turned this way. But it did!

Even though I have some last minute scrambling to get done before the first day of classes, my mom's a powerhouse when it comes to organizing paperwork and making sure all administrative stuff is taken care of.

But I can't even begin to explain the absolute joy I experienced when I was told I could be admitted in January - it was unbelievable. So I'll just leave it at that. It was unbelievable.

That was something on my 'Christmas List', if you will, and a dream of mine that came true only through the work of something beyond earthly influence.

I had already started a rough list of my top 'To-Do's" for 2010. The top item was to get into GMU for Nursing. I guess I've already knocked one off! I'll post that up later.

Now I'm all set for Christmas. Finally! I finally feel peaceful, and ready to celebrate the holiday season. I know Christmas Eve is tomorrow, but it's never too late to divulge in the festive spirit, right?

Have a Merry Christmas!

D.

in case you forgot, i'm still here!

It seems like an age and a half since I've last blogged. My only excuse is that I haven't done much, or really anything that exciting, since my last post. Well, actually all I've done has been actively waiting.

Here's a recap. I applied to BCSN at Grant Mac, only to realize that it was full before I applied. So, I was put on the Admissible Waitlist - but in the very top of the list. From there, I had a 99% chance of getting in. Basically a shoo-in. After all, I was assured that the admissions team would go through pages of the waitlisted names to ensure a full class. Turns out, the 1% of the unlikely did happen. For one budgeting reason or another, the Nursing program had to actually call admitted students and remove them from the program, making the likelihood of waitlisted students getting in impossible. So, Plan B came up, and is now in action: I will take courses applicable to Nursing in the mean time, and reapply for the Fall intake.

So that's the deal. I'm going to take Microbiology, which is rumored to be the hardest science class in the first year, as well as Psychology and Statistics to remove both Spring courses in the future. This way, I can have a few courses under my belt to lessen the load next year, and expand my summer months as Psych and Stats are usually taken in the five weeks after the majority of classes end, aka. 'till June.

I sorta wish that my transition from A to B had been as simple as the few lines above. But it has had more than it's share of ups and downs. And roadblocks. And frustrations. But the most important part is that I got through it. And, learned a few things along the way. For instance, patience is stupid. Just kidding - but not really. Mine has been tested beyond the level of retardedness. Also I've realized that Nursing is something I really, really want to do. And it's probably the smartest route to take the challenging courses first, focus on them, and get them out of the way before taking a full load in Fall. But whatever the case, I'm in for Winter 2010, and very very excited to get started.

That's pretty much it, in a teeny nutshell. Everything has fallen into place, whether or not I've decided to be patient or not. Somethings came together in the beginning, and some things are resting on the final wire. But when is all said and done : I'm going to schooooolll!!!

Peace and love.

D.

update, yo.

Sorry for the silence, friends.

Big choice coming on Tuesday/Wednesday...

Update then.

Love always,

Dani.

^{"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."}

Philippians 4:6

The Message

I'm such a stressed out nut right now. UGH. I feel constantly tormented by stupid 'what ifs' and backwards thoughts. My perspective is wacked, and whenever I'm faced with challenging situations, I feel like running away. This whole 'waiting' thing is retarded, and it doesn't play up on my best traits. Instead, it just stalks me from the back of my mind, always there.

But I've realized lately that my life-managing-skills are lacking in several areas, including how to deal with things beyond my control. I'm a control freak, demand things to be on time/right way. So when things need patience, and just simple faith, I start to freak out a bit. I ignore any rational approach to calm my mind, and just end up getting all worked up.

Having faith, and giving my worries to God is something I need to consciously work at. It sounds so fluffy and airy to think that He can take all my worries and anxieties, and restore peace. But it's a lot harder than it sounds. I'm ready to work on it, especially seeing how these short weeks I've spent waiting for admission will be a mere blink in no time at all.

Hopefully, when all of this is said and done, I'll be able to look back and say 'Ya, that was a challenging time in my life, but I got through it, and learned more about myself and God in the process'.

For now, it's still a day at a time, and always working toward what I know I love. Cause everything will work out. It always does.

Dani.

life right now.

Sorry for the 'changing blog site' confusion. I'm here to stay! Don't worry about a new site.

Life right now.

First off, it's snowing. But not in light fluffy flakes. I'm talking about torrential-blizzard-type snow. Mother Nature is out with a vengeance.

Im employed x3. Despite working at three different jobs, my mind is still on set on the "bored"setting.

I'm still unsure about admission for school this winter. I'm still sitting on the waitlist, which is holding up the remainder of my life. Poo you, waitlist.

Otherwise, life is trekking on as always. These few weeks I've spent working will seem so so small in no time at all, but it's getting to the spot that is so gross. I have enough saved up, which is exciting, seeing how I've had a limited time frame to make it all.

For now, I'm moving forward, taking it a day at time. Once in a while I'm still uneasy about being home. I had gotten myself ready to leave the life I knew for another, yet came back. Although I feel much more comfortable closer to home, I have a never ceasing desire to still see the world, to get on with my life. My mom was right when she said this move wouldn't be easy, although it was the right one. I just hope things sort themselves sooner rather than later.

Dani.

Ok, so I lied.

Sorry folks.

I'm not switching blogs after all... it would be too confusing for everyone to find me somewhere else, plus I have some favorite blogs I like to follow from here.

I apologize for the confusion!

Love, Dani.

untitled. duur - it's 5 am.

Cool? Getting free coffee.

Not cool? Being up at 5 am to serve coffee.

Starbucks, you are the last place I want to be right now. Just though I'd let ya know.

-D.

oh shoot.

Life is full of little surprises, and random coincidences.

Why is it that I find an interest in someone at the place where I want to be the least?

I think it's often overlooked how the people we meet influence our lives. For example - you see someone who looks like a classmate from junior high, causing you to recollect the junior high days, wondering where your old classmates got to. Someone who is a grinch at work may affirm your ever-growing distaste with the human race. It's a little intimidating to think of how our 'wake' in life affects everyone we come into contact with, both directly. and indirectly.

To prevent a negative influence, let's just stay at home! Sounds grand, until the person who looks forward to seeing your smile or your everyday 'hello' is left without their day's highlight. Or until a staff shortage at work causes everyone to grumble and complain about their doubled workload.

So what is there to do? Either way, our actions and words will make an impact. Our very being will impact someone's day. I guess this irresistible chain of affect goes to show how socially-rooted mankind is. How could we function without one another? We are shaped by those around us, and by those whose actions touch our lives.

Man, all I wanted to say is that one person's simple presence made my day just that much brighter. Instead, what came out is a jumble of words and a thought on life.

Dani.

heck YESSSSSSS.

Half my tuition payment is nestled comfortably in my bank account right now.

WHEW, that's a mountain of stress off my shoulders.

Classes begin January 5th, so I have a little over one month 'till full payment is due. Residence, however, it a different story. It's an extra wad of cash, upfront as well, that I may not have by then. The deal returning home was to be closer to home, not live at home. It's a little tight at times, and sometimes I find myself wondering if I've lost my mind. But this arrangement is just for the time being - I hope, through one way or another, I can find myself moved out again in January. I'm so so excited to return to school, and even more anxious to see what this move has in store for me.

For the past couple days, I've tormented myself with 'what ifs' as my overly-busy mind searched for something to ponder. Reading FB statuses and seeing in-class photos of former classmates made it tough for me to realize I'm on a different path. A few weak moments brought tears, but I think it made me really understand my choice. In a matter of weeks I'll be sitting amongst new classmates, with a entire program ahead of me to enjoy.

I am closer to where I want to be, and in only a few short weeks I should be exactly where I'd like to be. But for now, day to day, I'm trusting in God to get me where I'm supposed to be, and letting him show me the simple joys of everyday living.

Love, Dani.

to the jolly fat guy.

Dear Santa,

All want for Christmas is my acceptance letter.

I don't really need a kitty, and I'm sure I can do without the chocolate. So all I'm asking for is a piece of paper.

This letter means a lot to me. Until I'm accepted, my life is on hold : my work, my loans, my scholarships, my home (post-holiday), my savings, and my future plans.

I've been really, really good - I don't think it's too much to ask for this. Plus, I'll make you some cookies. On second thought, Brooklyn will make you some cookies. That way, you'll have an irresistible reason to take a boo down our chimney. So please, just stop by.

Love, Dani.

PS - peace on earth & good-will towards men isn't bad either.

a personal post, to my Asian friend.

To my dearest Asian friend.

You've added so much to my life, even by just being an enjoyable person to work with. But not only do you make my work life exciting and upbeat, you add a little extra something to my day to day routine.

Your daily text messages always come at the right time. I can't tell you how many times when, on a bad day, your texts have made me smile.

Your little drawings and messages on the outside, inside, & bottom of my drink cups keep me entertained for several minutes as I try to follow your giddy trains of thought. Especially your drawings. Who knew that the Shot box could transform into a little square dude holding balloons?

Every Saturday morning, in the good 'ol days, we opened the shop together. How many good times have we had from that? So, so many. And I really cherish the time we had to talk about God with each other. In the middle of our shifts, regardless of who is working and who is buying, we just talked. Which was so awesome. YAY for my SIC!

So when your having a rough day, a rough week, or a never ending spell of just rough luck, remember that you are appreciated very much, and always being thought of.

Thanks for your friendship.

Love, your only Non-Asian friend.

<3

all I want for christmas is . . .

Alright, so I know that American Thanksgiving is only a day or two away, but I've decided it's time to introduce some premature Christmas wishes to my blog.

All I want for Christmas is....

--> A kitty. Preferably a make kitty. I've already picked out names : Leonard...Shakespeare...Pete... any suggestions?

--> Time with my family. I love having entire days where all there is to loaf around, eat delicious baked stuff, and watch LOST endlessly.

--> health. being healthy is awesome, and such a blessing.

--> an acceptance letter at GMU. Please hurry up people - I have a life waiting to arrange!

--> chocolate. DUUR.

--> my own Bubble Tea Machine. With tapioca balls.

--> a large, self-replenishing sum of money.

--> a realistic set of christmas wishes. LOL.

--> AND, a zillion more Christmas to celebrate!

TTYL.

Love, Dani.

well there goes two weeks.

Two wednesdays ago, I made a choice to set some things straight. For myself.

I decided to work on how I see myself - seeing things with a positive/'let's improve!' light, rather than a negative/'you suck and always will' angle. I've struggled with that train of thought for a long time, whether it be in the back of my mind or in complete control of my day. It's not something many people know about, but this blog also isn't something many people know about either. :)

Many times before I've committed myself to change - to a health regime 'next Monday', or a eat-green-things-only sort of diet. And I've always always always blown it, and ended up running 100 steps back rather than a single step forward. It's been frustrating trying to figure out why I cannot overcome my own mind in attempt to change my appearance. Be 10 pounds thinner in two weeks. Fit 4 sizes smaller by Thanksgiving. Buy this shirt too small so I'll stop eating in the evening. Yadayadayada. The list goes on and on. It took me a long time to realize why this hadn't been working. My mind is honed to pick out every mistake I make, every flaw, and every time I mess up. That's the problem. I've been forcing myself to do things without the right perspective, which ends up creating a massive dead end. For example, if I were to decide to eat only two helpings of carbs in a day, (ie: cereal, pasta, etc) I would do just dandy, planing my day meal-by-meal, until dinner is suddenly spaghetti, not chicken breast as planned. That tiny glitch, right there, throws a GIANT wrench at my brain, derailing everything I've promised to do. 3 servings of carbs? BAH - I can't do it! Must eat a huge helping of dessert seeing how the day's already screwed... and then I'll skip the gym cause I feel so darn guilty... Silly things like inflexible goals and unrealistic expectations have only set myself up for an eventual 'failure', causing more harm than good.

So why don't start positive? What's wrong with the way I am now? Instead of thinking about the 5 pounds I'd like to loose, I've been focusing on things I enjoy/have enjoyed, but can improve on. For instance, I'm proud of the fact that I've run two 10k runs and a triathlon - now, I'm training for them again! And as for the stupid numerical and deadline-focused goals, I'm going to the gym when I want to, and eating what I fancy - but taking care to enjoy the things I really want, and finding the healthiest alternatives possible in the meanwhile. When my mindset is right, just living right falls into place. But working on my mind is the hardest part - and the most crucial. It seems like such a simple change in thinking, but for me, my confidence and appearance have always been at its mercy. It has taken me years to figure out that I am my own worst enemy. It has also been an experience sorting out how I function best.

I'd really like to get the point where I can lose 5 pounds for a special occasion, or eliminate x-food from my diet just to see what happens. I'd love to workout cause I honestly love to. I know that's a way off, but today I realized that I want to eat healthy cause I'm seeing the results already. Although that may be a 'duh' moment for some, that was a giant leap for me, making this 2-week mark in my journey a very memorable one.

Love, Dani.

HAPPY/UNHAPPY

Things that make me HAPPY.

- delicious mandarin oranges.

- how happy Freddie is to see me, every single morning.

- sleeping in my bed.

- House, Heroes.

- basically anyone with super powers.

- working with my dearest (and only!) Asian friend.

- tea.

- Christmastime, including, but not limited to: carols, cookies, candycanes, stocking, presents, snow, cold, ice, pajama's, hot chocolate, chocolate, presents, giving, friends, and family.

- my laptop, and it's speeeeeeeeeeed. Macs rock. Period.

- whenever my dad makes up a word, tell a story, or imitates someone/thing.

- baking.

- old school punch-buggies.

- the John Mayer look-a-like who comes to my Starbucks every shift. PTL for lookers like you.

Things that make me UNHAPPY.

- Christmas decorations minus snow. ICK. Bring it on, Winter!

- slow internet. AKA - @ home.

- alarm clocks, timers, beeping things, and crying children. Especially crying children.

- when there's fresh baking to be enjoyed and I have spin class in 10 minutes. ARG.

- sometimes, being an adult.

- how my parent's tell me I'll never be able to get a kitty.

- how Aly told me I'd kill a kitty.

- how the John Mayer-wannabe doesn't know I stalk him every morning. So what if I have your coffee ready before you arrive? It's customer service, not customer stalking. Duuur.

oh man.

So earlier today, I received an email from Photobucket, a photo storing and editing site, stating that I need to reactive my account by next week to keep my current photo albums. I had completely forgotten about being a member of this site, so I curiously logged back in to see what I kept posted. And HOLY COW. I couldn't believe photos from my grade 10 year still existed. I was a freaky lookin' girl, let me tell you. Eyes ringed with eyeliner and hair pumped-up with backcomb volume stood as my signature style. Eek. I frightened myself even looking at those! Thank goodness those days are over. Yeesh.

Home is so grand. At this moment, I'm cheering on the Dallas Stars as they battle against the Van'goofs for a win this season. In my house, the Vancouver Canucks are not worthy to be the dirt upon our road. (According to Dad and Marsh) Seriously. I can't even say 'Canucks' - it's the Chunucks, if I must refer to such a team. I know: extreme, eh? But it's fun. Being deafened by the pounding bass of the TV and the overwhelmed by the cheering and hollering of every smart play and well-played goal add something to a Friday night at home. Not all that bad. Not at all.

One of the best parts of the Christmas season is the craft-showing that my Mom and I do together. Usually accompanied by a Starbucks coffee, it's always so fun finding tacky decorations we can make fun of, and searching for gems amidst the crap. When the Auntie A comes next weekend, there's growing list already in motion of things to see and places to be in order to kick-off the Christmas season. Flippin' eh - I can't wait!

Love, D.

seriously.

UGH. I dislike days when frustration overrides all other emotions. Like today.

At GAP, a lady asked me to get her a size X in a certain style of jeans. Easy enough, right? WRONG. After I brought back the wrong style cause some bimbo didn't care to organize the rack, I brought back the wrong color, and then still couldn't find the size on the floor. So after searching through the stock in the back, I still couldn't find anything. By now, I rushed to look up all the in-store product through a computer system. According to that, 5 pairs in this certain style and wash were in the store. But could anyone find them?! NOOO! By the end of the day, my store manager, brand manager, and two associates were scouring ever inch of the store. Turns out, they were all on the mannequins or NAILED to the wall above floor-long display shelves. So, many apologies, frustrating dead ends, and embarrassing moments later, my customer finally left with her freakin' jeans. Who knows why this whole mess irritated me so much... but it really left it's mark. Now I'm home, but still frazzled. For goodness sakes, it's only a pair of jeans. But still. I hate not being efficient, fast, and always right... HAHA, I make myself laugh.

Just when I began to believe in the male species again, some idiot waltzed along my path today and completely shot that thought of of my sky. Darn it. While working in the fitting room, I was paired with Mr. Arrogant. His attitude of self-righteousness was SO extreme, it was beyond even being humorous. I was privileged to hear about his 'extensive experience dealing with high-end retail', his driving motive in life to be as wealthy as possible, how the only suitable reward for work is monetary gain, his stance on t shirts (apparently they are unprofessional and disgraceful) and how his smoking habit actually made him cool. Man, I must be missing the wagon or something, cause this guy was a complete moron in my eyes. Why can't decency overshadow shallowness? How come I'm always left wondering how in the world I will find myself a husband, or even a boyfriend, for that matter? Yesterdays pleasant encounter seems to be a faded thought now. Maybe tomorrow can bring redemption? I certainly hope so.

D.

this and that.

After dealing with people all week, I've been thinking. I can handle various situations at work. Disgruntled customers, annoying employees, irresponsible trainees, management errors, you name it. But what about as a nurse? I mean, I feel confident in myself that I can properly handle what each day brings, but holy smokes: the things I deal with while making lattes and folding clothes are nowhere near the caliber of the situations I'll be meeting head-on in my profession. How can I ever be ready for that? Pft, someone who complains about getting 2% milk instead of non-fat in their over-personalized-latte has there socks matched properly compared to the parents who need to be told that they just lost their child on the operating table. Good grief. I'm a tad anxious, no lie.

Along the 'work' train of thought, the most BIZARRE thing happened on Monday. But let me backtrack for just a sec. In high school, in grade 10 to be exact, there were a group of grade 12 girls who hated my guts for spending time with one of their guy friends. This young guy and myself dated for only a short short time, but no kidding: these girls, and a certain one in particular, would go out of their way to shove me in the hallways, and deliberately point out every flaw of mine to my brand new interest. This whole cafuffle of nonsense pointed me to a new path, and I left my high school in town for one in the city, and went on to enjoy grade 11 and 12 as a typical teenager should. Praise 'da lord. But it TURNS OUT that the ring leader of that group from my grade ten days is now a Barista at my lovely Starbucks. Working with me. At the same time. SAME SHIFT. Oh yes, hilarious indeed. It has been years since grade 10, and a long long time since I've even thought about my lovely friend - can we call her Opal? - and the havoc she once caused me. Despite growing up and just getting over that deal all together, it was a little bizarre to be working with her, and almost as her superior. I'm an 'oldie' at my Starby's, so I thought that the moments when I was helping her with cash and whatnot stood out to be a little surreal in my mind. It's interesting to see, however, how people change, or remain stagnant, over a couple of years. Opal didn't budge a whole lot: my genuine 'good morning' was met with a forced smile, and my opened ended questions about her travels and past-times got only one-line answers. All in all, our shift together was fine and no references to our past was brought up. There's no need to. But I guess that marks our ground, right? Some people move on and grow up, while others still cling to the past and constantly search for a trace of what once made them 'cool'.

I appreciate the days when I meet a nice gentleman. These days occur around the nights of a blue moon, or the sightings a purple kangaroo. AKA: NEVER. But the other day, my good friends, I met an actual gentleman. (I understand that this term is relevant - for me, it's basically a guy who impresses me. It's proved to be harder than it seems!) It was my Starbucks, of all places. Another barista of my store, of whom I had never personally met, walked right up to me to introduce himself. It wasn't cocky or arrogant, but genuine. And he actually looked at me with a quiet confidence. In stark contrast, the usual word to describe my first impression is 'intimidating', and boy oh boy - it often shows on the faces of most guys I meet. But not with him, which I found so interesting. He remembered my name the first time I said it, and conclude our brief chat with a 'it was great to meet you Danielle, I hope to talk with you again soon!'. UM - confident much?! But just the right amount. He left me intrigued, and wondering when we actually would have a chance to talk again. Too bad he doesn't have dark features or a scruffy beard. We'd be married by now for sure.

My wireless connection at home is utterly awful. According to various tech people, some outside signal is blocking my connection between my Mac and our wi-fi. Essentially, any attempt to connect my laptop to the internet will surely have a detrimental effect on my health. I try to keep my attempts at a bare minimum, and save my patience for when I'm in dire need of a good rant-session. Hopefully this connection whatnot is all sorted out soon - I'll be updating my blog a lot more when this happens. But for now, that's all folks!

Love, D.

ps. - Christmas is in LESS THAN TWO MONTHS! Am I the only one who is counting down??

books, baking and painting.

I'm officially employed now. WOHOO. Except it's sorta stressful, seeing how my education depends on how much money I can save up between now and January 5th. Grant Mac requires all payments upfront. EEK. I'll be saving my shekels like mad, that's for sure.

Being employed always brings some form of adventure into my life. For instance - on Thursday, while working at GAP, I learnt how to fold clothes. It's WAY harder than it looks, let me tell you. I was told to refold t-shirts in this credenza in the middle isle of our store. I was instructed to make it look crisp and clean - like the piles were lifted right from a box. The end result, however, was an utter failure. Folding a wimpy t-shirt over a plastic board is awkward, and is made me feel like a total she-oger when the gay guys did this process while styling their hair and texting on their BlackBerry's. Needless to say, my talents and abilities do not exist in the realm of perfectionist folding. But I did realize that I have a knack for looking like I know what I'm doing when really, I don't have a clue. For example, when a customer came up to me and asked me for pair of hip-slung, boot cut, 36' inseam, yadayadayada... pants, I nodded in understanding through out her request, smiled sweetly, and directed her to the endless wall of store-brand jeans. From there, she was taken care by another associate. She had no idea of my inadequacies, the bizarre nature of her request, and the fact that it was only my second day. See? A happy customer and a smart-looking employee. Life is grand!

My room is finally done too. It has been a swell week: working, catching up on good reads, and enjoying days at home. I feel pretty proud of my new headquarters - I successfully trimmed all the corners and baseboards, complete with minimal smudging on the roof and carpet. So now, when I relax in my grand room, I take in pride in what I helped with! But sadly, the occupation of a painter is not for me.

A week of minimal activity spurs random events. Like baking cookies. My friend and I decided to devote an entire afternoon to the careful construction and precise handling of cookie baking. Result? An epic fail. It was impossible to taste the Skor chunks, but that may have been because the bottom was so burnt, all you could taste was charcoal! Or something like that. The list of professions I should never pursue seems to keep growing! I shall never be a baker.

I wish I could read for a living. I just finished two outstanding books that I regret finishing. 'After River', by Donna Milner, is a fantastic book with a quite a few surprising twists. The setting isn't anything fantastical, but the plot the weaves all the characters together and brings them to life - it is astonishing how genuine each character seems. Thumbs up, for sure. Also, 'Picture Perfect' by Jodi Picoult is SO SO SO GOOD. In a nutshell, a woman with amnesia is found by a police officer and is then returned to her husband, who happens to be a Hollywood hotshot actor. That story line is mixed in with the plot of the cop: he's a Native, and struggling with his identity and heritage. When everything comes together, it's incredible. One of her best books, I'd say.

Such is life right now - working during the day, and enjoying home life in the evening. I've still got my goal dead on for Winter admission, and can't wait to get there. For now though, I'm completely content reading and working, and figuring out what I should not do as a professional occupation!

Enjoy,

D.

renovations&beinghealthy

It amazes me how much I love jazz music. When I'm surfing around a radio station and I happen to hit the jazz channel, an overwhelming feeling of musical relief floods my senses. Right now happen to fancy piano jazz, some saxophone, and anything else in a 'mellow' mood - it fits well with the overcast days and noticeable drop in temperature.

The momster and I finally started to get my room done. In June, when I left for camp, I moved out completely. My sister took over my room downstairs, and a bed was temporarily put in the piano room for when I came home on weekends. But with the intention of being moving out for good, an actual bedroom was never left for me. Which leads me to the homeless state that I am now in. It's not as bad as I make it out to be, but it does get rather annoying sharing your room with a large piano, random unwanted decor, and stray dog hair. From where I reside now, the creepy neighbors can watch me through our wide front window, and the Fredster (the family pooch) can stick his head in whenever he pleases. I don't mind the dog coming in for a visit every now and then, but I can't be the target for our neighbors stalking habits much longer. My new room is going to be grand - I'm so excited. I'm painting 3 of the walls a cool blue/grey/steel color, and the single wall will be a dark dark blue/black color. I have some white furniture to add, as well as some rustic wooden shelves and whatnot. I think it'll look cool. I'm looking forward to a room of my own!

It's kinda sick how much junk food you can eat in a day, especially when you are not paying attention. I'm trying to really improve what I give my body, but I've been shocked how many times I've reached for something gross instead of something healthy. Like a pumpkin muffin for an am snack. Then after lunch. EW - who needs muffins twice? Sometimes I'd like to think I do, but honestly: I don't want to get sick of them - I like them too much! I've stayed away from them so far. It's kinda startling to realize that your natural inclination towards food strays to junk almost 90% of the time. I'm on a mission to revamp my food choices.

This weekend has really been fun. The little brother had three hockey games, which always promise a tense crowd and an action-packed game. Also, the sister invited a BOY over to the house! He likes her, and she likes him. But she made a smart move and invited him over for pizza and to watch one of Marshall's games. This way, before anything 'serious' happens, we can place a name to the face and actually meet him. The family calls him "Preston", although his real name is entirely unrelated. It was priceless to see him try to navigate through our weird family habits, adjust to his new nick name, and maintain a calm composure in front of Dad's physical stature. Turns out he is a great guy, and is so far worthy of my sister's company. He's a big sports bum, so I'm sure I will be the sidekick to many of Brooklyn's adventures from game to game. I'm so excited to be here for Brooklyn's first time in the potential 'dating' scene. Sometimes I think I'm more pumped to talk about him than she is! But she's a smart cookie - her and Preston do go swell together.

TTYL.

D.

life at home.

EEK. Sorry for the quiet week. I wish I could say that I've been busy, entirely engulfed in strenuous studies and attempting reach the top of an impressive academic program.

But I can't.

I've pretty much been doing nothing related to school. Or related to anything serious at all. Except for the two days I was job hunting. I was mightily successful, dont'cha know. I am now an employee at GAP, and a returning Barista at the ever-loved Starbucks. Clothes and coffee! From selling cardigans to whippin' up lattes : I should be a busy girl in no time! Although it will only be for two months, I'm stoked. It gives me cash to spend, cash to save, and something to do.

A mundane lifestyle around the house is swell, but not fulfilling by any means. Sure I enjoyed waking up at 11 am, lounging in my pj's all day, and watching TV online for a few days, but still. The sparkle of a new 'nothing' routine fades fast. I can't wait to go back to school, especially when I know it's the right choice.

Do I regret 'ma choice? NOPE. Not for a moment. I do miss a few little things, like the absolutely beauty of BC, the sense of adventure (although it faded fast!), my room mate, and.... I dunno what else, really. I miss learning, a lot, but that will have it's time here too. Creating a lifestyle that I love, and can grow with, is my goal now. Going to school closer to home is what I need. Family is the most important worldly thing to me. So that's staying in my life. So is education. I love learning. It will also be part of my life, whether that be continuing on after my degree, or teaching. Along with family and education comes a sustainable lifestyle - one that I can work with as I get older, move on, and adapt with. Things like financial security, physical & mental health, and spiritual fulfillment. That's an multi-dimensional aspect of my life I'm still working on, and probably always will be, but regardless: it will develop the best here. I'm confident I will be blessed in countless ways through this choice.

Sometimes I wonder why I love my family so much. Like seriously. I've only lived with my parents for 18+ years. Shouldn't I be sick of them already?!

The other day I was cleaning out my room-to-be, and I found an old cardboard box, in the hight shelf of a closet, full of old mementos and photographs from the youthful years of my folks. I uncovered various yellow-tinged photos of my Dad playing sports, and several old class photos of my Mom. But the neatest artifact I found was this horribly yellow scrapbook my Mom had made when she in her 20's. In this scrapbook, that was bulging at the seams, were countless souvenirs from her time spent dating my Dad. From a movie ticket representing their very first date - which was Starwars!! - to endless "Ziggy" themed cards, their entire time spent together can be followed from page to page. It was the greatest thing I've ever found in a closet. On a serious note though, it was astonishing to see that the love that my parents had for each other as young adults, in their crazy dating days, still hasn't vanished. Not a smidgen. So maybe that's why I can't get enough of my home, and what holds us tight. There is a love here that has never faltered, but has only matured, and gotten stronger with time.

As well as snooping through the dating memories of my folks, I've tried to polish up a few of my rather neglected skills. Like cleaning, for example. In preparation for repainting my room upstairs, I vacuumed, dusted, and washed the walls. Which is insane, seeing how I have never cleaned that much in my life. But I'm doing good - I only missed a dust bunny or two, and no one checks behind the door for cat hair anyways.

I've also started to bake. Today I successfully made two delightfully-scrumptious batches of peanut butter cookies. MAN OH MAN. I can make a mean peanut butter cookie. The upside of learning to bake is that you can add a talent to your resume of important life skills. The downside is you have to clean. And often your waist line will expand to accommodate the extra taste-testing. BUT, I have yet to rule out that it is a bad deal! I hope to expand my talent reservoir to include sugar cookies, shortbread cookies, and oatmeal cookies. YUM!

With all of this being said, I'm eager to learn new skills at home - things they can't teach you at school. Like how to paint a room, move a bed up a flight of stairs, and drive through blustering snow in the dead of winter.

BUT MOST OF ALL, I can't wait to get back to school. Please please please let January come fast!

PEACE OUTTTTT.

D.

happy job hunting day!

Man, the home life is good.

I've missed the simple luxurious of life during the mere time I've been away. Things like soft mattresses. Jumping onto a couch. A pantry. It's peaceful to know you've made the right choice.

But I am missing class! My mind is a little restless w/o 984958853480 bio terms to memorize!

Today is the day I find myself a job. Another blessing in disguise is that most retail businesses are looking for seasonal help, so finding a temporary job should be easier than other times in the year.

Prospects do not include any waitressing jobs, seeing how I can barely feed myself without placing some kind of stain on my clothing. Also, I have zero tolerance to withstand 'hey you, get me my drink!' UGH. My blood pressure is rising just imagining it.

My mom thought I should work for Toys R Us. Oh yes mom - crying babies and screaming children. What could I like more?!

Chapters is the main stop for the day. What a better way to spend my day (and my $$) than working in a store full of books?! Starbucks is still up there too - I do have a job, yet the full hours I'm looking for are not guaranteed. But wait... imagine a combo of both?! Chapter and Starbucks - endless coffee and a really good book! WHOA. Perfect combo.

On another note - thanks to everyone who reads this! I found out a few days ago that I've had some followers since the very beginning, keeping up to date on my zany life. It means a lot to me that you are taking the time out of your day, whether it be your coffee break or scheduled 'internet-surfing' break. I appreciate your following, and I hope I can always meet your expectations of a good read.

Love Always, D.

change.

Change is a funny thing.

It's one of those things that starts as a nagging idea. A thought that has value, leverage, and possibility. So you follow it. It leads to one thing, that leads to the next. Down a few rabbit holes and through a few open doors. 'Till BAM - it might work! Then your stuck with the final hurdle. You ask yourself, honestly - Do I really want change?

Then you deal with your head. Yes. No. Yes. No. Why I am thinking of such crazy things? Yet, why can't I stop?

For me, the answer was an undeniable yes. In my heart it was always yes, yet battling through emotions and frustration was exhausting. But worth it. Although, had I continued on without change, the end would have been inevitable regardless. Either I change now, get financially reimbursed, and switch seamlessly to a new institution, or I switch next semester but find myself forced to work until next fall to payback unused student loads and then accumulate a deposit for residence. Regardless, my journey doesn't remain here for much longer. This is not bad thing! I totally take what my dad says to heart : life is colorful mosaic - intricate fabrics that make a beautiful picture. Life changes, and life moves. It's all part of the adventure.

With any decision comes the + and - of both ends. The friendships I was beginning with a few girls were becoming valuable, which made leaving hard to break. The faith-based learning, which I have come to appreciate so much, will be deeply missed as well. Not to mention the community-atmosphere that keeps you distracted, and the beautiful weather to always boost your spirits.

TUW has a great environment - it's small, safe, and close-knit. But it just wasn't clicking. When I went home at Thanksgiving, I found out where my priorities lie. And what I've missed about myself since being out here. I haven't picked up a book in days, my running has been ignored, and I have found myself wondering who I am here - and where the 'me' I was back home went. I realized I was fine here, surviving, but not happy and thriving as I should be.

When change is right, it works. I don't believe that you get an idea in your head for nothing. The way things have fallen in place is a sign for me that I have made the right choice. The dates, the deadlines, finding boxes, and finding seat sales - everything fits. Another chapter of my life has ended, yet another one has begun. I sincerely believe this!

I am excited to get back to where I need to be. My adventure here has moved on, back home, to where I need to be. The nursing classes I've taken so far have been wonderful - I know for sure I will enjoy nursing, so I'm confident that will continue back in Edmonton.

God has a way of working things out. Despite how much I wish for a massive sign, a radical dream, or a loud-booming voice to direct my steps, he works in his own way. So, with this in mind, I'm fully ready for this change and can't wait to see where I will end up next!

Peace and love,

D.

wowwwwwweee.

Things work out amazingly. It's incredible.

Yesterday, I was utterly distraught. I've been feeling lately as if TWU isn't all I thought it would be - for various reasons. So I had a tough choice to make, and with lots of prayer, tears, and parental guidance, I decided to return to Etown and continue Nursing at Grant MacEwan.

And HOLY MOSES - things are falling into place. When I was presented with the choice, it was one day before the Withdrawal cut off: I got a 50% refund - and not a moment too late! Also, the Winter intake at GMU was still accepting applicants: from applying in Fall, I had already met the criteria, so this time should be a shoo-in. On top of all of this, a family from church is camping at a site 10 min away from my school - with a MASSIVE trailer. Through the connections of my BC friend Krista, they are taking my extra boxes and suitcase, saving hundreds of dollars from Greyhound shipping. How amazing is this? It keeps going: I have a job (more or less) at the Starbucks I previously worked at, and the money I earn working for a few weeks will pay off for an entire semester of residence - which, I might add, has the potential to be a bachelor pad. Oh yeah.

TWU was a neat experience - and BC is beautiful! I love it here. But right now, TW isn't for me. The Nursing program was fun, and gave me a good foundation to keep growing on. I will look back on my time here with fondness, but only as a stepping stone along the way of where I need to be. And my family is the biggest priority in my life. I love independence, yet there is something about being only a drive away from where I love to be most. With this in mind, I am so excited to continue my journey, my adventure, and to keep seeing where life will lead me.

Love, D.

ah, poop.

It feels like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

After coming home for Thanksgiving, it really hit me how much I miss home, and how uneasy I've been feeling lately. Sure, studying and stuff is going great, but I've always been anxious about missing out on things happening at home. For instance, my sister's band Christmas band concert. Or my brother's hockey games. When I say I miss it, I don't mean like a simple thought dashing through my head. I mean like hardcore, wanting-to-be-home- type deal. So what do I do?

The best nursing program in North America is in my backyard, more or less. It's a fraction of the price here, and way closer to home. It's unlikely that all of my courses would transfer over, which would mean that I would start over again in January, the winter intake. Poop.

This is the worst part. To resign from my classes here, and get 50% back, I have to let the important people know by Thursday, IE TOMORROW. No pressure.

This is my education, I need to be enjoying it. But can I say that I truly am? If I left, who would I be missing? So I've gained a few friends on Facebook - I honestly couldn't say if we would remain friends after this year.

Going home feels weak, like I couldn't stand being away. It's also disappointing to think that all the time, effort, and money my family and I have spent in getting myself here has been a let down.

I really need to sort this stuff out quickly, and then stand by my choice. But what should I choose?

oh dear.

I believe that it is pretty good timing that I'm going home for Thanksgiving. I have one razor left, and it's full of goop. Like, the sick kind you get when you shave over deodorant or body wash. I'm estimating I have 1/2 a shave job left in it... which I'm saving for tomorrow morning's pit job. Lovely. But hey, at least it's not shorts weather back home, right?

In today's HKIN (human kinetics) lab, we did Body Comp. It is the crasher of self esteems. For mine, anyways. I got told from two different charts that I was obese. I'm trying to remain calm about the absolute insanity we must follow in order to feel healthy. Last weight, during the Muscle lab, I scored 'high performance' for all the labs. This week, I'm obese. WTF.

But I have been thinking. I'm not fat. My gut doesn't hang over my pants, and my thighs don't thunder when I walk. I can see my toes, and I have no double chins. I can shop in regular clothing stores, and don't have to order special-size bras. But being healthy is important, and I can improve in so many ways. Just cause I look fine doesn't mean I necessarily am. My eating habits here are not exceptional, but then again, I'm a little too hard on myself with the whole dieting thing. Despite that, I believe it is time for an overhaul. As in, fitting in exercise regardless - and finding a way to maintain that for a more than a week. Also, snacking choice womp here. Actually, they rock - oatmeal cookies and pretzels make any tummy happy, but not the waist line. So I need to find good things to snack on. Like, nuts from home. Low fat yogurt. Fruit. Veggies. The usual. It's just a zillion time tougher here as you have to buy it at the store or consciously look for it in the Caf. But this has come to be something I need to do. I'm 'grown up' now, so I should start acting like it. I need to grow a backbone of self control and just do it. And I will. This is the beginning of my plan. But what the heck, I just made it public. I guess there's nothing a little accountability won't do for ya, eh?

Have a Happy Turkey Day weekend.

D.

dasherdancerprancervixen

I'm cutting to the chase: I am SO PUMPED FOR CHRISTMAS!

Via FB, I found that it is snowing outside my hometown. Holy craptacular, Batman - Christmas is coming! I know October may be a tad early to start watching for the jolly fat guy, but that doesn't mean I can't get totally pumped! I remember trick-or-treating dressed us as a bunny, with my entire snowsuit underneath my costume, and looking down my street as it was a total white-out from snow. I haven't seen too many Halloweens like that since, but one can always hope, right?!

I get such a thrill from giving presents - from getting the 'perfect' one. SO much fun. I have already started my collection. Buying a few odds and ends at random places really starts to add up after a while.

Christmas music has to be the cherry on top of the seasonal celebrations. Bing Crosby, Kenny G, Louis Armstrong - some of my favorite Christmas crooners. Good old fogies singing the blues, Christmas style, is the sure to way to bring in Christmas spirit.

Oh shucks, now I'm all excited. Outside here, it's sunny, and ridiculously green. No sign of white fluff yet. Perhaps this weekend it'll snow a bit, while I'm at home. That'd be nice. Then, I can blast Christmas tunes as loud as want, and dance around like a crazy person. But again, I think I should take on one holiday at a time - I have a feeling that after Thanksgiving turkey & pumpkin pie, I won't be able to move, let alone dance around.

Cheers!

D.

mondaymonrningmondaymorning

YAY for Monday's. Not only does it mean the week will once again zoom by, but the adventure I am on is still truckin' along. My first midterm is today, in Psychology. I've made puuuurdy pink flash cards, and crammed every last bit of info I need onto them. They help a lot to organize information concisely, list on the relevant info, and make my life wonderfully content w/their color coded beauty. Biology's color will be green.

I can't say for sure what week it is here... I believe it's been about 5 weeks since I have left home. And, it seems to have gone by so fast. At a few points along the way, life seemed to crawl backwards, but now, I can barely keep up!! It is a good thing though - obviously I am kept busy, entertained, and loaded with homework.

I am so excited to go home this weekend: I'm sure my sister is more excited than even I am! I miss her way too much: I don't like being away while she's in high school, fighting off the boys, and working through her swamp of tenth grade homework. She's is way too adorable to be allowed in public, especially without me. I am her big sister after all. It's odd how I can still picture us two, as little munchkins, running around with our Beanie Babies, all pudgy-checked w/baby fat. I remember playing outside in the frigid temperatures of our winter, bundled head to toe with bulbous snow gear, with Pops, as he pulled as around in the sled by the light of the street lamp. I have so many memories of just being a kid: and they are so good. I miss it sometimes. I lied - actually, I miss it a lot. I would give pretty much anything to just run around outside, building tree forts, and playing 'Farm' with the other neighborhood kids. I know that time moves on, and it doesn't stop. It never will. But I think it would be priceless to return to my kid-hood for just a day, or even just an hour.

D.

oh man, oh man.

It hasn't even been twelve hours since I've given up FB.

For the time being, it is.

I HATE IT. This morning, after revving up my good 'ol Mac, I just typed in facebook.com and pressed GO before I even knew what I was going. Thank goodness it doesn't automatically log me on. Gr.

But I'm looking forward to what I'll be doing with my free time. Maybe finish my book? I'm working on a book called The Birthouse, about midwifery in the old days. Get caught up on Heros? I'm need to get through season 3. Or, maybe just sleep! Although I pretty much have a 4-day class week, waking up before the sun and hitting the hay after it sets isn't good in the long term. But it's been so worth it.

Now, I don't what I'll do in class... perhaps actually pay attention? No more FB checks mid-lecture? Oh dear.

D.

morning muddles.

Chocolate chip muffins often disguise themselves as lemon poppyseed muffins. It is a terrible thing to realize that, as you are going for the oh-so-anticipated first bite, that the tiny black specks staring back at your are not poppyseed, but chips of chocolate. What makes it even more woeful is how there are not returns at the Caf here, and money is precious. Your pretty much required to eat whatever is on your plate, or you will be scrapping away money into the trash can - a nightmare for the starving student. I'm a little perturbed that the one time I choose a muf. for an AM fuel up that I'm blindsided by it's disguise, then forced to consume 25+ chocolate chips before the first class. BLECH.

As you can probably tell from my listless post, I'm half asleep. I've unearthed a gem of a website, allowing me to access any TV episode of all my favs, including HOUSE and Heroes. So I've developed a sick routine was of watching the latest via my laptop, before catching my zzz's. Downside? I'm -45 min of sleep. Upside? My dreams are filled with medical mysteries, and world-saving characters. Not a bad combo.

T-minus 10 days 'till I'm home. Not that I'm counting or anything... but I've come to realize how much I really love my family, and how much I miss the little things - like always eating dinner together. Every night we all eat together, which I had always assumed to be the norm for everyone else too. Turns out, it's not. My famjam is one of the odd ones in our society.

Psychology is wacked. Who thinks of dissecting a cat's skull to play w/it's brain in hopes to make it move: while being alive?! Honestly. I have a hard time connecting with this class. It's full of weird thoughts, weird theories, and even weirder people.

ANYWAYS. It is another chilly day in the land of the lower mainland. There was frost everywhere, and enough chill to make your nose hurt. But it's a perfect way to start my day, regardless of the early morning chocolate chips.

D.

hip hip horray for rain!

I love love love rain. And cold weather.

Everyone here tells me that after two weeks of down pour I'll be sick of it, but bah. I don't think they realize how much I despise heat.

Rain makes a great hair day, clear skin, and allows me to choose what scarf it shall be today. I can wear my moccasins, my jeans, and any shirt I want: swoob and swass are nowhere near on these days.

Heat is just sick. The hair gets frizzy, the face gets shiny, and I always forget to shave my stupid legs on the hottest days. The best activity there is is standing still, hoping your being doesn't just melt away into a pool of liquid. Blech.

BC is beautiful for this: in the morning you can see your breathe, the air is crisp, and you can see the sun YET still feel cold. 'Tis glorious.

Next weekend I'm home for the big Turkey feast. I am so so pumped. Pumpkin Pie. Gravy. Turkey. Mountains o' potatoes. Wonderful. Hopefully I can go out w/the Momster to stalk up on scrubs as well: I really despise the full printed Tinkerbell ones. Unless I'm assigned to ped's, or another ward requiring obnoxious prints, I see no reason to waltz around as a giant wall-papered nurse. Although I claim this now, I'm sure that when I'm old and grey I'll find simple happiness in the prints of Disney Princess and Snoopy, and recollect on how much I once wanted to look 'cool' in 'ma scrubs.

Peace.

D.

a good day!

[ This is from last Thursday! Sorry for the delay - it took me a few days to finish in the midst of homework. ]

The best day of my life as a student - ever!

First things first. If you would have spoken to me within the last few days, or have been following my blog, you would know that I've been a tad homesick. Not the crying-weepy kind, but the discouraged, what-am-I-doing, a few hot tears, kind of homesick. More like a feeling of insignificance, simply longing for a reason to be here.

So this morning, my momma sent me a text, telling me to check my email 'cause there was something cool in my inbox. During my Nursing Research & Theories lecture, my mom had sent me the online receipt of a ticket home for Thanksgiving. I couldn't believe it - I was sitting in the midst of a non-desrcript lecture, fighting back tears and a massive grin for about 5 minutes, trying to take notes all the while. But I felt kinda bad - my parents had given me this opportunity to go home, yet my brief visit would've been plagued with the fact that I had to leave, yet again. So I mulled it over, and considered staying here, just in case seeing my fam-jam made it harder to return.

(Obviously there is more to this story!)

Then, later this afternoon, during a nursing lab, everything came together. Finally.

Our lab was on a basic/general physical assessment, followed by the evaluation of gastrointestinal (stomach) sounds, and then bedmaking. I moved through the motions, just doing what I do, when my instructor pulled me aside and asked if I had ever done this before, or was from a line of nurses. I was like, uh - no, kinda frightened that I may have missed the sarcasm in her voice. (BTW - my lab instructor isn't the warmest of gals. She's been around the nursing industry for years, and knows how things are should be done - and expects them to done properly the entire time, students or professional.) Anyways. Turns out, she was impressed with me. She remarked on my efficiency, my ability to do the lab in the alloted time frame, and take control of the situation. Then, she told me that she would love to have me as her nurse when her time came. I was floored.

She picked up on a character trait that has been a curse, and a blessing, to me. As a kid, I was bossy - the Queen Bee. I was always the Teacher during games of 'School', and the Doctor when I played 'Hospital'. In high school, I tried to down play this quality, although it was impossible. It changed from bossiness to efficiency, and only grew with intensity during group assignments, presentations, and competitions. It has become a part of my character to such an extent that I don't even notice it anymore. It shows up in places that I am not even aware of, and surprises me more often than not. So, not only did I hear the confirmation I had been searching for, but she highlighted a trait of mine with a positive note. Now that I not only a student, but a name and a face to a professor, and one who gave me a feeling of success and potential, I finally feel at peace here. The words of one professor 'sealed the deal' for me. I know I am supposed to be here. I just needed a few words of encouragement, and a status of high expectation to fight for.

To me, her comment made a world a difference. I feel as if a massive burden has been lifted from my chest. If the post didn't make much sense, or the dots were too scattered to connect, just know that I am finally honestly, and genuinely joyful to be here. When I see my famjam in October, it will be a visit full of happiness and thankfulness - far away from any though of homesickness or regret. It gives me goosebumps to think how all of this came together on the last day of Add/Drop Classes week, and how everything always, always, comes together.

D.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

hi morning blog time.

Here's to early morning blog time. And only 10 min 'till I gotta jet for class. But hey, it's better than nothing right?

My best friend's mom came to visit me yesterday. It was the highlight/lowlight of my day. HIGHLIGHT: Jo, the BFF, put together an amazing photo frame, all with memories of our last day together. And she threw in two tubs of sour gummy worms: just my favorite candy of all time. LOWLIGHT: Mrs. Jo reminded me too much my mom, and too much of Jo. I wished she woulda just mailed the darn gift so I didn't have to get so sappy and emotional.

D.

yo.

I've finally found a second or two in my day that I can give, everyday, to the internet. A section of my soul, really. In the morning, I like to be ready early - whether that be to organize, chow down some cereal, or read a book. SO, I shall continue to do this, but add in my lovely addiction in as well.

I've found that numerous 5-min FB checks add up to way more time than I originally estimated. Also, I've come to realize the time consuming nature of iTunes browsing, and song sharing. FB and iTunes are an irresistible vortex of time wasting.

Hopefully, through am-internet surfing, I can reduce my pm-net time, therefore increasing my net study time. Oh dear, that sound's like an equation.

Anywho. The beginning of my week was rough. Really bad, actually. Monday came with a double-wammy of a Biology lecture+lab, and left my mind swarming in terms and concepts that you can't even pronounce. After a lab that was overwhelmingly difficult, I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. I had never given so much thought about switching my major until that day. It was awful - the pride of working so hard to get here, and the feelings of being so excited to finally make it were utterly lost in the face a single frustrating day. At the end of the night, I decided to keep at it, seeing how I am still in the very beginning of things. I went to bed, after lots of prayer, motivated and full of heart to keep going, but realizing after a few hours, that it was going to be one of those sleep-less nights. For whatever reason, I couldn't catch a single z for much wanted snooze time. With a class at eight, my frustration only grew as I tossed and turned all night. I must have drifted off to sleep sometime, because in the midst of my usual 'flailing' routine, I slept right until 830. Yup, I was late. For those of you who know me, or my mother, being late is one of the biggest of our pet peeves. It's right up there with getting lost - on a good day, when we can take it in stride, it results in yelling, horn honking, and hysterical laughing. But on bad days, it's just tears, frustration, and anger. To me, it's completely unacceptable: I am admitted into a program that takes great pride in their students, and holds their eduction at a standard of high excellence. To be late is to be no better than the students who boasted an all-nighter pulling pranks, then rushed off to class, 1/2 hour late, with blood shot eyes and unbrushed teeth. (Ok, maybe it's not that bad. But I did take it pretty seriously.)

But I made it through. A tiny blessing in disguise was that it was only a Healthy Lifestyle course, where all you needed to know is that exercise is good for your health. A monkey could pass it, honestly. But still. I was late for my first quiz, but managed to squeeze that in before the end of class.

I get it - poopy stuff happens. But when you are already feeling a tad low, it's not helpful. This morning however, its a new day. And fabulous thus far. Cinnamon raisin bagels are my new friends, along with french-pressed coffee and multi berry yogurt. So I am taking it on with a honest grin, (oh dear, how cheesy!) and looking forward to every moment.

Peaaaaaace out.

D.

my mind.

The weekend has come and gone, yet my homework pile seems to remain the same! Oh dear.

I have discovered that it is impossible to do it all. There is no way to memorize every term/concept in Anat. & Phys. while reading literature for English, understanding the mind in Psych., and studying theories in Nursing. Bah. It hate admitting it, but it's true.

This weekend I also seriously reconsidered what I am doing for my major. Can I really handle all this science-stuff when I can't wait for English class? How will I survive bed making? Geriatrics? Not being my own boss? Maybe I am on the wrong path.

Or, maybe my perspective is wrong. I have experienced only had one week of Bio. Clinical's haven't started yet, and I'm sure only a select few enjoy learning the legalities of nursing. Plus, it's a world apart from high school - a huge transition. And my time management deserves a failing grade. (Although it is still better than some!) Facebook is the reason for F's in school, I swear - who knew that stalking profiles made 2 hours seem like 15 minutes? I've been ready to ban FB altogether from my system, until I've noticed someone's interesting Status Update, or Relationship Status. It's pitiful, really.

So I'm sticking with it. Nursing is a path full of opportunity. I will find success, and failure - highs and lows. And I know that by plowing through the tough stuff at the beginning, I will find an amazing end.

Cheers!

D.

LOL.

"A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Dodge SRT-4 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop, who was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?' The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the SRT.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, 'So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary, and you get the really big bucks, $1,695,759, when you and I are doing basically the same work?' The cardiologist paused, smiled, and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic

'Try doing it with the engine running.'"

What is Nursing?

This is what we talked about this morning in Nursing Concepts.

What is the profession that I am aiming for? Primitive definitions include a 'person who provides services a patients illness or injury while faithfully reporting to a doctor'. Others describe a nun's devotion to her religious order calling her to care for the wounded and ill.

The odd part is that, after the entire class, I am still entirely unsure of what exactly a nurse is. Sure, I see the nurses on ER and Grey's run around with perfect hair, saving patients left and right, while dating Dr. Hottie on the side, but seriously - that's utter rubbish. I'd like to know, straight up, what is Nursing?

My prof. said the following: "...nursing has been around forever; the Nursing profession was initiated by Florence Nightingale in the 1800's; nursing involves medicine; Nurses can practice Medicine and Physicians can practice nursing."

Thank you for such clear words.

According to the definition provided by the TWU School of Nursing, 'Nursing is the study of human health and illness processes. Nursing practice is facilitation, supporting and assisting individuals, family, communities and/or societies to enhance, maintain and recover health, and to reduce and ameliorate the effects of illness. Nursing's relational practice and science are directed toward to the explicit outcome of health related quality of life within the immediate and larger environmental contexts'. That's quite the job description. Am I ready for that to my job description?

The world of Nursing is so vast, I will totally admit I can't even comprehend it. Last year, a graduate student from TWU became a flight nurse, working for rescue teams way way way up north. How sweet of a job would that be? But that is in such a contrast to the public health nurse who administers traveler's immunizations from 9 to 5 every day. So how could Nursing be defined definitively, or even defined in three sentences or less? It's a lot to think about, to mull over.

Love, D.

what's this? free time?

Honest truth: I am loving university.

Since my classes have started and I've gotten into this regular routine, I've been literally bounding out of bed in the morning because I am genuinely looking forward to my classes. I am such a nerd, it's frightening.

My favorite class so far is English, but only because it's been a life-long interest of mine. My professor is a bit of a wacko, but very intelligent and excessively talented within his field of study and teaching. But a close second is my Nursing Concepts class, which is only a slight snooze due to the fact I have a whole semester of 'federal health care' and 'health care policies' to learn before my clinicals in January. Speaking of which - I am now the proud owner of a purple stethoscope and an uber snazy, pearly white lab coat. Yes, I have indeed officially crossed the line over into the science world. 'Tis wonderful, but a tad geeky.

Biology is absolutely terrifying. I love anatomy and physiology, but the amount of topics combined in a class combined with the speed makes a terrible combination. I'd say that I am a rather swift learner, but this material is just nuts. We've covered anatomical positions, regions, sections and cross sections, major body systems (complete with their functions, major organs, and respective hormones), cell structures - complete with the various organelles, fluids, and concentration gradients, and basic microscope work. And we've only had two lectures and one lab. Wow. I am still in utter amazement at the amount of material I've had to cram into my head these past few days. Grade twelve now seems like a snap.

Hilarious lab story. For the first laboratory lab, we were assigned to set up a cheek cell under our microscope. Easy enough, right? Take swab, place on slide, dye blue, and protect with cover slip. But the part where I fail, and will always fail, is when blue dye comes in to the story. Sometime between high school and now, the coverslips changed from flimsy, bendable plastic to 'non-bendy' plastic. But no one told me this. So with the drop of ink on my cell slide, I tried to gracefully place the slip on top. But it snapped into shards and sent the ink flying. I stained the majority of my once-white work area a lovely shade of royal blue, and my entire right hand. A bottle of bleach and many apologizes later, I tried to honestly warn my instructor that these sorts of events happen all the time whenever I am given something permanent, hot, or breakable. She wasn't impressed. But she'll realize one day that my warning was from an honest heart. I am just praying my next 'moment' doesn't involve fire, or a live test subject.

Despite the lecture overload and laboratory fiasco, biology is dandy. The learning will never end, regardless of long I am in school for or how long I practice for. But it's just so doggone neat.

Anyways, that's pretty much it. My free time on this lovely Wednesday is coming to a close as my monstrosity of a nursing textbook is beckoning me to its homework. Plus, my mother sent me brownies. And they have to be eaten before they mold, right?

Peace out, folks.

D.

ps - if you really, really love me, record the HOUSE season premier and send it to me via Facebook. Thanks, friends!!

things I have discovered.

Seeing how I am wasting far too much time on Facebook, not devoting any of my free time to this blog, and completely neglecting my homework all together, I decided to keep this post short & simple. But oh so honest.

Things I have discovered thus far.

- being poor is the new trend. $10 is a lot, regardless of who you are.

- boys at university are not as cracked up as they seem to be. Ones that I've picked out so far are all dating, or either married WITH CHILDREN. Honestly, how do I do that?

- having a room mate encourages cleanliness, and regular laundry-room trips.

- BC is the land of the fit and healthy. It is rather ridiculous.

- an ice cold shower is the best best BEST way to relieve stress on a hot day.

- coffee is my dear, dear friend.

- everything I have learned in high school biology is now regarded as simple. Concepts that took a week + 1/2 to learn are now mere bullet points of required knowledge.

- being timely and prepared for class is something everyone does now. Not just me.

- it's not just me who looks nerd-tastic in a lab coat. Everyone does. Or at least, everyone in the science center...

- males in HKIN are the ones with the bicepes.

- Spartan athletes ONLY talk to other Spartans. And also never change from their Spartan sport wear. Do they even own 'normal' clothes? No one knows for sure.

- color coded schedules are beautiful. So are sticky notes, highlighters, and pens that come in red, black, and blue. Did I forget to mention sticky notes?

- Never have a cookie from the Caf. Once you have one, it is all you will ever want. The cookies are the devil in disguise.

- Spoons is a violent game, resulting grass-stained jeans, scraped knees, and excessive competition.

- Facebook was created for the sole purpose of distracting students from their studies. Pft - "An online social network where friends meet"? Notta chance. Solely designed for sucking students into its vortex of Status Updates, Friend Requests, and the plethora of network gossip.

That is all for now - I do apologize for the lack of posting as of recent. It is the first full school week for me, so I am in the midst of juggling things and figuring out how everything works. But bear with me! Regularity will come soon! But I may need more help than just Bran Buds.

Love, D.

life, and it's lessons.

Huh. So, my last post was from Thursday, & now it is Saturday. Within that mild time frame, I got a message from my dearest mother telling me that I needed to update my blog as it has become a favorite read during coffee time for some. Cheers for you, readers! Honestly, it means a lot that my recreational blogging has become a source of something for your day, whether be a laugh or a recollection of the past. I'm glad that I can be a part of your day, and I am so thankful I can make you part of mine.

But enjoy of that mushy, feeling whatnot for now.

Today was the epic Banana Challenge, a day in which all Trinity alumni remark as being the highlight of their freshman career. Well, I don't know what they were smoking, cause all I got was swoob, swass, and a head ache from the enormous amount of people diving into a pool of oatmeal in a hopeless attempt to find a banana with their teeth. Alright, so maybe it wasn't that bad, but the Orientation events seem to never end. Seriously, folks - how long can you force us to socialize? I swear this past week has traumatized me into a life of hermit-hood and solitude.

Just kidding. Orientation Week has made the adjustment into the student-life a lot easier, and opened the doors for many new friendships. Just, for the socially inept it is a week that couldn't go by any slower. But the socially inept just need prayer during this time of socializing - prayer, and a lot of cookies from home.

SPEAKING OF COOKIES FROM HOME! As usual, things go dastardly wrong when I plan meticulously. I'll just cut to the chase - my 'wireless' printer needed a cord. Someone lied when we bought it. So the famjam back home sent me out a package with this vital cord. Meanwhile, my first bought of homesickness was coming on. My face plus the climate doesn't make for confidence, heat eliminated half the wardrobe I brought, and a little amount of sleep is the right ingredient for a morning frenzy. Wanting just a bit home, I bounded off to get my package that had been shipped that day. BUT, through a serious of unfortunate events and stupid delays, I arrived at the mail room one minute late. They had closed already. Completely distraught, and really wanting a taste of home, I moped back to my room. However, to my surprise, I had devised a brilliant, and rather devious, plan to get ahold my package. My sister, as you may know, is Type 1 - aka Juv. Diabetes. She wields that to her advantage, however, and has successfully removed herself from terrible gym classes, tests she was unprepared for, and general unpleasant situations. No one tells a diabetic child what to do. So, as my sister would do, I called Security and told them that my package containing items 'vital for my dietary concerns' was locked away in the warehouse. Immediately they met me at the warehouse, unlocked all 'Employees Only' doors, and allowed me to rummage through every single package. At long last, I found my parcel and sprinted back to room. Finally, here is the part where the cookies come in - not only did my 'rents send me a USB cable, they sent two containers of my favorite oatmeal cookies, a tub of quarters for laundry, a bit of cash for adventures, and a personalized card (with cartoons!) from Pops to keep me company. Right on time, comfort from home arrived when needed the most. A little bit of everything. I was astonished how dead -on the timing was - definitely guided together on purpose. Thanks God.

I have been here for a week, and am going to admit it straight up - I'm battling a bit. I feel out of the loop on the social scene, cause it isn't my forte, and one hundred percent out of my comfort zone. And, it seems like more often than not I am complaining or grumbling, especially when I'm posting here. I came with a positive attitude and open mind, but am feeling a little run down as of late. I'm hoping it is just a weird transition time for me as the first week of classes hasn't started yet. I'm praying that Monday will change some things around as routine is reintroduced into my life. So, it's my goal now to take things one baby step at a time. I am brand new at this. I'm taking my mornings one by one, planning out my studying around my socializing, and chiseling away at the organizing of my room. I will greet my days as they come, and strive to meet each one with the best attitude I have, cause I know it will pay off soon.

Thanks, and take care.

D.

first day: finito!

I've given up on trying to look like I know where I am going.

I've fully embraced the wide eyed/mouth open/aimless wandering characteristics of a typical freshman.

I've also come to realize, once again, that I do not fancy large social gatherings, or forced social interactions. I wouldn't call myself a hermit, but I do enjoy time to myself. And when I'm told to be social, that's when the psycho side emerges.

However, the redeeming factor of my sanity is the fact that classes officially began today. At the crack of 8am I was seated and chomping at the bit for my first Nursing class ever. NURS 121 - Nursing Concepts. The book for this class will not only fill my mind with the legalistic foundations and fundamental values of nursing, but will also add 5 inches of muscle to my bicepes as it weighs like a small child. I can't get over the sheer size of it, honestly. Anywho. That class came and went like a breeze. My professor is a wonderful woman who has done some pretty rad jobs around the world - she's worked at various Outpost positions, been to Africa on numerous occasions, and is currently working with Canadian woman who serve as missionary nurses in China. It's very interesting to learn about the backgrounds of each faculty member, and how they have developed their own passions within the nursing realm.

Following NURS 121 was English 103, with a professor so odd, my impression of him changed every 30 seconds. First, I was rolling my eyes as he introduced himself in a voice so smooth and eloquent, I was sure he should be reciting his poetry at a bar downtown somewhere. Then, he made a subtle wise crack about something so random, the whole class was shocked into silence by his surprising sense of humor. All in all, my english prof. is one of a kind, for sure. He has an odd appreciation for heavy metal music, a deep theological yearning for God, and a vibrant interest in cultural body modifications and tattoos. On top of all that, he puts his family before anything else, and frequently emphasizes his passion for them. He's a cool cat, and definitely defies any cultural box he is placed in.

With the first day behind me, I am still as pumped as ever for the next few weeks here. I know it will fly by - I already have a midterm in 4 weeks and know the dates of my final exams. I still have my first class of Biology - Physiology & Anatomy and Psychology to get to, but it's nice to have an 'easy' introduction into the world of academia.

Al and I have fallen in love with Lord of the Rings - it's our mission to complete the entire trilogy before Christmas, whether we veg all night or watch it in 20 minute increments. What an amazing film - the story alone is fabulous. Maybe when I have free time again, I'll start working away on the books. But I do believe that's a project for another time.

That's all for now, folks.

D.

she's aliiivvveee!!

So? I am still alive! Not going to lie - a few times over the course of my whole 3 days here, I've felt utterly lost and bamboozled. Not too often though, may I add. But enough times to still feel a little shaky as I wake up in this new place every morning.

I am so anxious for class to start. Really, I can't wait! All good 'nerves' though - my textbooks are nestled nicely in my wardrobe, all organized and ready to fill my head with "nursey" information.

Speaking of nurses. Every freshman is divided into a 'University 101' group, which is basically a collection of about 7-10 students within your major. So, my class - D39 - consists of myself, and 11 other nursing students. It is a rad way to get to know other people prior to the start of classes, and a even more rad way to find your way around the campus, known the 'ins & outs' of campus life, and just find other people to socialize with.

Speaking of socializing. I'm almost at my limit - this whole 'meet as many people as you can within the 5 days of O-Week' thing has really rattled my brain. The girls on my floor and wing are great, however I much rather focus on getting to know the 15 girls here, than the 9382385845-209340-29342 freshman in Douglas and Fraiser (the other resident buildings). But that's just my preference.

Back to nurses. I've met some rad (yes, I've said it twice!) first years, those whose will be floating my boat with me. One girl is South Africa and grew up only knowing the living conditions of a third-world country. As a missionary kid, she came to the conclusion that the only way to truly help an impoverished village would be to return as a nurse. So that's her plan - she even admitted her distaste of Canadian/American nursing as our country is over blessed and full of resources. Not saying she won't give her heart as a nurse here in Canada or over in the States, but just saying that her true passion lies in the country she was raised in, and all those similar to it. She is a cool cat.

Another chum of mine loves to sail, and was in school the past year completing this outdoor/wilderness-type certificate. Very rad. She is down to earth, friendly, and genuine about the connections she makes. On that note - when people introduce themselves to you just for the sake of 'popularity', it's obvious. But when people seek to know more about you, and are interested in more than just your major, its a major warm-fuzzy starter. It's cool to know that some people care. They are the ones who will make great friends, and even better nurses.

Moving on. My room is blast. NW 333B. Al and I have hung curtains and pasted on our decals. Photos, and maybe a video will come soon. Her mom's baking is laying around everywhere, and the amount is shrinking by the moment. Hopefully Mrs. Aly sends more out soon! My tea is exploding around my Mac, and my cardboard boxes fill every corner. It is cozy though, and is beginning to take on the stature of 'home'.

My day tomorrow, once again, is jammed packed with socializing and an overwhelming amount of icebreaker activities. (Speaking of which - there was a freshman class tournament of Spoons. I came in 5th, which I must brag about. It is quite the feat! ) With that being said, my blog is concluded for the night. Will most definitely write later.

D.

ps - watch UP! It is the cutest movie in the scope of eternity.

and so it goes.

Here I am! An official university student.

Wow, I have waited so long to get here. I remember looking forward to this part of my life even as a young kid. It is a little surreal.

So this morning. After hauling my suitcases into the car, and realizing a second trip to the hotel was definitely in order, Mom and I took off to TWU for my first experience as a freshman. As we pulled into the main driveway, we were a tad startled as we were greeted by several leadership students sporting Hawaiian shirts. The startling part was that their level of energy and enthusiasm was absolutely unreal. Really, it was quick shocking. They quickly surrounded our vehicle, leaping and bounding every which way, eager to point us to the right building and parking lot. After surviving that mild mob, the mom unit and I began the first of many, MANY trips up to my room.

My roommate, Aly, is fantastic. She's really chill, easy going, and quite hilarious. And very simple, when it comes to packing. A few bags here and there, a backpack of books, and single jump bag of clothes. I sure felt the heat rise to my cheeks when I realized that my clothes alone accounted for more space than her entire collection of personal items. This is a serious note folks - I didn't realize how much poop I had brought with me, and how I still have this feeling to shop more. It is sick. I hope to seriously downsize by the end of this year. Bah.

I now reside in NW 333B - third level, room thirty three. I now possess a room key, building key, & mail key. I feel very distinguished. Sort of. The best part of this entire transition is that although I am in a strange place with stranger people, there bits and pieces around me that are solid reminders of home. For example, in my suitcase I found a box of chocolates for my 'tea time' from my dad, and a humorous card with Golden Oreos from my sister. Also, having my dear mom right by my side all day helping me unpack and prepare added a touch of home to my new life.

Now it's just me and Al, occupying this once-drab-now-comfy room of ours. Parents have left and freshman remain. There are cardboard boxes all over the bathroom, and my suitcases are stacking at the end of my bed with random odds and ends rattling around inside. I still have drapes to hang up, decals to paste, and knitted flowers to stitch. (yes, I bought crochet flowers to sew onto something. please, don't ask. ) Despite my mild chaos, I know I will love it here. This week, known as Orientation Week/O-Week, will test my social skills, set up the foundation for great new friends, and help me adjust my head properly as I look to be independent in the academic world.

A few times over the course of my time in BC, I've been hit with the sudden realization that I will be completely on my own, and independent from my home. It is quite the startling epiphany. But I am doing well, I do believe. No tears yet, no sudden panic attacks, no bed wetting. But there are many nights ahead of me still, so time will tell. Focusing on my desire to be a nurse, and to be the best I can is my driving force right now - I know without a doubt this is the place for me to be at. So with that in mind, I'm off to bed. Goodnight, folks.

Love, D.