end of one journey, beginning of another.

While sitting here enjoying the holidays with my family, I realized that I'm not rushing back to anything. No residence, no homework, no new semester, no classes. I'm a graduated student. A working professional. And I can't ever remember being in a position like this before!! 

My preceptorship ended on a high note as I was able to squeak into a casual position in Burns as well as a cardiothoracic surgery unit. I'm equally happy for the time off to recover though - 10 weeks of a steep learning curve was certainly testing my limits. It was encouraging to see myself grow, however. By the 7th week I was pretty much in control of my own rodeo, and able to juggle the demands of the ICU. Although I am nowhere near expert or pro, it was encouraging to realize that I at least learned a few things during my preceptorship! 

My official graduation ceremony is in a week's time, and then BAM. Off into the working world I go. Rent to pay, student loans to figure out, and a massive RN exam to study for. 

I'm not sure how to be feeling about all of this, to be honest. The school environment is what I know and love, and the working world just seems mundane... I'm worried I'll be living to work, and so life will go. Perhaps I'm just nervous of the unknown. 

Regardless, I need to remember to be thankful. For my degree that has already landed me two casual positions. For a remarkable four years that has taught me more about myself and the human spirit than I could've imagined. 

The New Year will bring a lot of change, good and uknown! Although my nursing student adventure may have come to a close, I'm sure another one is quickly beginning. 

Merry Christmas!

D.

burns burns & burns.

Holy hanna, what an incredible rotation! I feel like it's been non-stop go go go since day 1. I just came off a stretch of nights, and think I've finally switched over... if you consider a 1pm wake-up normal.

Burns ICU is sorta something that's difficult to explain unless you are in it. Everything looks different, smells different, is done differently. Our patients can look like mummies, often bandaged head to toe. It can smell pretty gnarly, especially during dressing changes with a lot of blood (fresh or dry) and surgical fluids. Speaking of which - these dressing changes can take hours, or be so painful that sedation is required. My tolerance for 'gross' things has exponentially grown these past few weeks as well... skin that is healing, burnt, rotten, falling off, grafted, sutured, staples, stretched, debrided, or removed can take on all sorts of sights and smells. I'm positive my stomach and nose have taken on an iron layer.

My stress level is also on high, all the time. Not a bad stress, but like: "my lanta, I have one job - to keep this patient alive". It's pretty intimidating. Although I've worked as a UNE all the summer, there is a minimal amount of knowledge of skill that is transferable from that environment to this. It's my responsibility to monitor pH levels, electrolytes, output to the single mL's, fluid balance, and blood gas values. That's a whole heck of a lot more than I've been juggled before, especially on top of regular patient care tasks.

In a previous post or two, I mentioned how I struggle with looking after young patients. Well guess what - 90% of our patients are young men! But it does make sense - the most common reasons for admissions include: workplace/farming accidents (ie: exploding gasoline or diesel), reckless behaviour (ie: ATV vs. truck), excessive drinking or drug use, suicide attempts, or lighting fires (ie: burning garbage). So I've gotten over that pretty quickly! It still is tough, but I have learned to kinda section that part off of my mind, and get down to what needs to be done.

So now: just a month and 1/2 left until I graduate. HOLY HANNA. I'm gunning to get a position on this unit, so here's hoping! I can certainly see myself here. But on that note... the medicine itch, an idea I thought I had successfully squashed, is still bugging me. What a love/hate relationship I have! I still have time to mull it over these following weeks.

Happy November!

D.

preceptorship!

I can officially say that I've survived two shifts in the Burns ICU. WHOOP! My final placement started on Thursday, and is off to a fantastic start.

Wednesday night I could hardly sleep. I kept worrying about my alarm not going off, getting lost in the hospital (which is the same one I currently am employed in), and meeting my preceptor only to realize she was part monster. 

After a restless night, Thursday morning came and so did many amazing things. I was early for my shift, found the unit without a hitch, and met my darling preceptor (zero parts monster, might I add). 

The unit cares for a mixed bag of patients - of either burn or general ICU status. So even in two days, I was exposed to quite the variety of situations. 

I have never been in a unit this intimidating before. Not in a bad sense, but in a "now this is stuff is getting real" kind of sense. The machines are literally keeping most patients alive - there is a rhythmic beeping to the entire area. Some individuals are completely bandaged from head to toe, or have so many tubes from so many places that it's dizzying. 

The amount of knowledge I eventually (as a RN) will be required to retain is enormous. The role of the nurse in this type of area is leaps and bound ahead of that of my previous placements - the responsibility and autonomy is refreshing, and also a little bit scary. I'm sure that even after 10 weeks, I'll still be bobbing along with unknown areas of grey in my practice. 

I'm very, very excited to be in this unit, and looking forward to the challenges and learning curves to come! 

D.

young young.

I'm so tired of caring for patients who are my age!!

I struggle caring for this age group the most because A) my heart breaks/I want to cry - they should be out in the world, enjoying life and B) see the previous point.

Good grief. The nature of our unit does admit a lot of young individuals with cystic fibrosis (short life expectancy) and interstitial or unexplainable lung diseases/cancers (ie: construction workers - young men).

I'm tired of it because it hurts my heart to see them there. No young man should sit in a hospital room all summer, unable to enjoy the sunshine, because his chest tubes are attached to wall suction. No mother should have to change the code status of her 19 year old to palliative because his second set of donor-lungs are failing. No young wife should die while waiting for a set of lungs, for the second time, after beating cancer as a teenager.

I do not resent caring for them at all, not for second. But it is challenging because it boldly reminds me of this emotional heart I have, which I often like to keep hidden and neatly tucked away.

D.

old, but still young.

But even if I am old enough to think about graduate school... I'm still too young to deal with the fact that my best friend's mum just got diagnosed with breast cancer. 

longest post EVER.

There is nothing more inspiring and joyous than the beauty of fall. It is literally my favorite time of year. I find myself jumping from one fall-themed activity to the next: overdosing on pumpkin spice lattes, lotions and candles, decorating my cottage, and wearing boots every single day. It is just glorious. And it has also marked the beginning of a school year for the last 16 years of my life (woah!).

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to life. About what makes me happy, how I should fill my time, where I should steer my career, and whatnot. About how I should let what truly makes me joyous and what I am passionate about guide my next steps. I am in the happiest point of my life right now, and in 100% agreement that it gets better after high school.

During the past couple months my attitude towards nursing has had a complete turnaround. Literally, a 180. I don’t think it could’ve been more different. I was LOATHING every moment during my labor and delivery rotation, counting down the minutes to the weekend, barely able to fake my enthusiasm with every baby bath. I was preoccupied with a new beau, and getting adjusted to the uber-social RA role I had recently taken on in residence. One year later, and I’m here. Truer to myself that I’ve ever been, independent and beginning to see my own inner beauty. I’ve settled into a lovely little cottage I am so thrilled to call home, and feeling proud about choosing nursing as a career.  

A combination of events have led me to realize that staying in the education-realm is where I should be. I am currently in the tail end of my leadership rotation, and my eyes have really been opened to the roles and responsibilities of RN’s beyond bedside nursing. Both my coach and instructor have been great influences on possible career options. I’ve always admired the work of professors and instructors, and I find teaching to be an admirable profession.

I’ve reflected a lot over my childhood dream of being a doctor. In reality, it’s a lot different from theory. A lot. Medicine has turned out to be a lot different than what I had thought it was (or perhaps I was the one who changed... )

I’m also realizing that nursing can be a badass profession. Badass as in, essential. Critical. Requiring guts, a brain, a heart. Not for the weak (ahem - see previous post!). All through school I’ve had this image in my mind that nursing was fluffy and touchy-feely. And for the most part, it is. But I wish I had a role model through my undergrad that could’ve represented the other side of it – perhaps I wouldn’t have resented it so much. But I’ve learned for myself this other side of it, and I’m realizing it’s not so bad after all. I’ve learned to be proud in calling myself a nurse. 

All this being said, my favorite place is to be in school. I love the environment, the lifestyle, and the way of life. I haven't thrown away pursuing a career in bedside nursing - I just know that sooner or later, I'll end up back in class :) So with the end of this degree looming closely, I’m looking ahead! The possibility of being an instructor or professor sounds very appealing. And with imminent winter graduation comes the potential of beginning a graduate program in fall…. A MASTERS PROGRAM! My stars, I can’t believe that graduate school is a very real possibility for me. So more details on that to come :) 

Well - I suppose you could’ve just skipped the body of this very long post to this point right here: I am so happy with life and school. Life is good. And I’m definitely addicted to pumpkin spice lattes. 

D.

blue.

You know those moments where all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of something, and you don't remember how you got there?

During my shift yesterday evening, the poop hit the fan when we had to call a code blue. Since I was nearest to the desk, I activated the code team and returned to the room to see how else I could help. Let me say this - code blue should also be known as code CHOAS because literally it becomes pandemonium. This was the very first code I witnessed and was a part of - so I was hanging close by the room to see what else I could go for. The patient was trached, so we had direct airway access, but he was a bigger built man so the nurse doing compressions was already working up a sweat. When he called out for another to take over, the next thing I know I am whipping on gloves (isolation room too, just to add to the pandemonium!), nudging him to the side, and givin' er like no tomorrow- which this gentleman may not have had, if we hadn't acted so quickly.

Suddenly, mid-compressions, I realize that I am doing freakin' CPR on a patient for the first time ever, whose life is literally slipping away before me. His eyes are open but unseeing, people are shouting and running, and I'm honestly praying that he better not die on me, not while I'm pumping away and feeling rib-bits floating around.

Finally, after what seems like ages, the code team arrives to take over the rodeo. And here's my favourite part - I'm pumping away, focused, but look up long enough to see the lead doc, whoever she was, enter the room and announce , "Ok people, I'm Dr. ---, and I'm running the code from here on. Let's get organized". This one physician takes control of it all and BOOM, I'm like - yes, this is what I could do! I love being bossy and in charge (HA!), and after just jumping in last night, instead of wondering if I have the guts for this stuff now I know that I do. Plus, I watched ER non-stop as child so I'm ready ;)

Thankfully this story had a good ending, cause he lived. The team took over from that point, and at the end of the day our patient was still with us. I work with such a fabulous team, so it certainly wouldn't have been possible without them. It was great to receive a pat on the back from the other nurses who commended my jumping in, and to hear the code team say that our CPR kept him alive.

After all this hubbub calmed down, we continued on our shift, until a bedbug was found in another room. But I suppose that's another post for another time!

Cheers,
D.

fall.

Tomorrow is the LAST "first-day of school" of my undergraduate degree. Where has the time gone?!

Back-to-school is one of my favourite times of year. I love the school routine, the fall season, cooling temperatures, Thanksgiving, pumpkin spice lattes... You get the picture. I'm a fanatic!

A lot has changed from this very moment, last year. And I am very blessed to say that it has changed me for the better. There have been some joyous, challenging, and heartbreaking moments along the way. Countless life lessons and experiences led to me to where I am now.

In 4 months I'll no longer be a "student", but a "professional" (I put those titles in quotations because heaven-help-us-all on the day I no longer am in school). I'll be expected to be a qualified Registered Nurse, employed permanently at a hospital, and paying union dues & taxes like a good little RN.

So I'm going to enjoy these remaining weeks of my BScN degree, and in my spare time - beginning scheming for university round II :)

Cheers!
D.

night shift!

So I am in the middle of a couple of night shifts, and sorta feel like the walking dead. But that's ok - for the shift premium/differential that adds up, it's worth it! ;)

In exactly one week school will be back in business. What the heck - where did the sumer go? It seems like literally yesterday I began my buddy shifts at the hospital. Now here I am, solely responsible for the rodeo.

The hardest part about my summer job has been dealing with patients who die. I know that may seem obvious, bur it definitely rattled a deeper emotional side of me I didn't expect. A lady in my care last night was in her final hours, and although I am getting more familiar with the signs and symptoms of imminent death, my heart still breaks a tad every time. Although the end has been looming for quite a while, it is still hard.

A few weeks ago a lovely young woman died on our unit while waiting for a double lung transplant. To say my heart broke a tad would be an understatement. She shouldn't have died. It wasn't fair, wasn't expected. She had her whole life ahead of her - young, married, had received a previous set of donor lungs.... the world should have been hers.

Dealing with situations like this has certainly challenged me this past few months. Life isn't 'fair', and it makes me angry. Despite my education I so often I feel as if I can do nothing for my patients. It's the hardest reality to accept, and something I still wrestle with.

In the midst of these tough moments, I am still incredibly appreciative of my job. There are happy moments and joyful times too! It's important to remember and cherish those as well.

Cheers!
D.

well, hi!

Ok so I have no fancy tale to explain my absence from this blog :) But let's just pick up here, shall we?

So nursing. What a love/hate relationship it's been! To be entirely honest, I loathed third year clinical. And it only mildly improved to tolerable during fourth year theory. So when the semester wrapped up in April, nursing was not looking too promising. For the sake of money and experience, I applied for a million and one UNE (Undergraduate Nursing Employee) jobs. I was fortunate to get a few offers, and chose the University Hospital right by my new house (the cottage - which I love love! Another story for another time :) ) 4 months later of running around the ward, and the prospect of a nursing career has elevated itself from rather loathsome to something enjoyable, if just for the mean time. 

I had not anticipated the tremendous influence this job would have on my life. And one thing I've figured out through this whole journey that nursing can't really be separated from real life. Sure, I'm able to leave the cranky patients behind and laugh about the smelly incidences, but the injustices and heartbreaks that occur on my shift leave a mark. How I see the world, my values and priorities in life have all kinda shifted in response to what I've seen and experienced while on the floor. 

There is such a stark contrast in my attitude from third year clinical to now. Perhaps it's the total independence and responsibility I have for my patients - I'm not entirely sure. But I am enjoying my job, whether it be in the hard, heart-wrenching moments, or during the smelly and shocking times. 

So that kinda sums up where I am now! Summer is almost done, and school will be underway - my final semester of my BScN. Where has the time gone?!

Cheers,

D.

4th year whatnot.

Often I find myself thinking about something that has happened in my life and think geez, I should really write about this. Keep track of it, record my thoughts. Not necessarily blogging, but perhaps journalling? Keeping a private blog? Regardless, I find myself circling back here again and again.

This nursing student's 'journey' has become so much more than a walk through nursing school. In the beginning I believe it initially was, but now my journey has come to involve so much more. I've thought about changing the title, taking down the content, adjusting the blog to better reflect the reality that I think I'll be writing more about life, and not just about my school day. So perhaps in the near future?

But speaking of school, my last post was just before Christmas - the end of third year. Fast forward to now, and viola - staying afloat in 4th year! It's a massive, massive juggling act. Between readings, papers, research projects and presentations, I am doing school work 90% of the week. But finally I am feeling content in school. Happy. Something about the routine schedule, classwork, independent studying just makes me tick. Love it!

Although school takes up a massive portion of my time, its previous 'all-consuming' status is coming down a few notches - but not in a bad way! Until recently, school was my only obligation, homework was the only item on my to-do list, and graduating was my only future plan. My education hasn't fallen to the way-side by any means, however recent life events have seriously jumbled my once-solid future plans and priority list.... which is where my thoughts about blogging beyond school come in :)

But for now, just a little recap with where I'm at.

Cheers!
D.