heck YESSSSSSS.

Half my tuition payment is nestled comfortably in my bank account right now.

WHEW, that's a mountain of stress off my shoulders.

Classes begin January 5th, so I have a little over one month 'till full payment is due. Residence, however, it a different story. It's an extra wad of cash, upfront as well, that I may not have by then. The deal returning home was to be closer to home, not live at home. It's a little tight at times, and sometimes I find myself wondering if I've lost my mind. But this arrangement is just for the time being - I hope, through one way or another, I can find myself moved out again in January. I'm so so excited to return to school, and even more anxious to see what this move has in store for me.

For the past couple days, I've tormented myself with 'what ifs' as my overly-busy mind searched for something to ponder. Reading FB statuses and seeing in-class photos of former classmates made it tough for me to realize I'm on a different path. A few weak moments brought tears, but I think it made me really understand my choice. In a matter of weeks I'll be sitting amongst new classmates, with a entire program ahead of me to enjoy.

I am closer to where I want to be, and in only a few short weeks I should be exactly where I'd like to be. But for now, day to day, I'm trusting in God to get me where I'm supposed to be, and letting him show me the simple joys of everyday living.

Love, Dani.

to the jolly fat guy.

Dear Santa,

All want for Christmas is my acceptance letter.

I don't really need a kitty, and I'm sure I can do without the chocolate. So all I'm asking for is a piece of paper.

This letter means a lot to me. Until I'm accepted, my life is on hold : my work, my loans, my scholarships, my home (post-holiday), my savings, and my future plans.

I've been really, really good - I don't think it's too much to ask for this. Plus, I'll make you some cookies. On second thought, Brooklyn will make you some cookies. That way, you'll have an irresistible reason to take a boo down our chimney. So please, just stop by.

Love, Dani.

PS - peace on earth & good-will towards men isn't bad either.

a personal post, to my Asian friend.

To my dearest Asian friend.

You've added so much to my life, even by just being an enjoyable person to work with. But not only do you make my work life exciting and upbeat, you add a little extra something to my day to day routine.

Your daily text messages always come at the right time. I can't tell you how many times when, on a bad day, your texts have made me smile.

Your little drawings and messages on the outside, inside, & bottom of my drink cups keep me entertained for several minutes as I try to follow your giddy trains of thought. Especially your drawings. Who knew that the Shot box could transform into a little square dude holding balloons?

Every Saturday morning, in the good 'ol days, we opened the shop together. How many good times have we had from that? So, so many. And I really cherish the time we had to talk about God with each other. In the middle of our shifts, regardless of who is working and who is buying, we just talked. Which was so awesome. YAY for my SIC!

So when your having a rough day, a rough week, or a never ending spell of just rough luck, remember that you are appreciated very much, and always being thought of.

Thanks for your friendship.

Love, your only Non-Asian friend.

<3

all I want for christmas is . . .

Alright, so I know that American Thanksgiving is only a day or two away, but I've decided it's time to introduce some premature Christmas wishes to my blog.

All I want for Christmas is....

--> A kitty. Preferably a make kitty. I've already picked out names : Leonard...Shakespeare...Pete... any suggestions?

--> Time with my family. I love having entire days where all there is to loaf around, eat delicious baked stuff, and watch LOST endlessly.

--> health. being healthy is awesome, and such a blessing.

--> an acceptance letter at GMU. Please hurry up people - I have a life waiting to arrange!

--> chocolate. DUUR.

--> my own Bubble Tea Machine. With tapioca balls.

--> a large, self-replenishing sum of money.

--> a realistic set of christmas wishes. LOL.

--> AND, a zillion more Christmas to celebrate!

TTYL.

Love, Dani.

well there goes two weeks.

Two wednesdays ago, I made a choice to set some things straight. For myself.

I decided to work on how I see myself - seeing things with a positive/'let's improve!' light, rather than a negative/'you suck and always will' angle. I've struggled with that train of thought for a long time, whether it be in the back of my mind or in complete control of my day. It's not something many people know about, but this blog also isn't something many people know about either. :)

Many times before I've committed myself to change - to a health regime 'next Monday', or a eat-green-things-only sort of diet. And I've always always always blown it, and ended up running 100 steps back rather than a single step forward. It's been frustrating trying to figure out why I cannot overcome my own mind in attempt to change my appearance. Be 10 pounds thinner in two weeks. Fit 4 sizes smaller by Thanksgiving. Buy this shirt too small so I'll stop eating in the evening. Yadayadayada. The list goes on and on. It took me a long time to realize why this hadn't been working. My mind is honed to pick out every mistake I make, every flaw, and every time I mess up. That's the problem. I've been forcing myself to do things without the right perspective, which ends up creating a massive dead end. For example, if I were to decide to eat only two helpings of carbs in a day, (ie: cereal, pasta, etc) I would do just dandy, planing my day meal-by-meal, until dinner is suddenly spaghetti, not chicken breast as planned. That tiny glitch, right there, throws a GIANT wrench at my brain, derailing everything I've promised to do. 3 servings of carbs? BAH - I can't do it! Must eat a huge helping of dessert seeing how the day's already screwed... and then I'll skip the gym cause I feel so darn guilty... Silly things like inflexible goals and unrealistic expectations have only set myself up for an eventual 'failure', causing more harm than good.

So why don't start positive? What's wrong with the way I am now? Instead of thinking about the 5 pounds I'd like to loose, I've been focusing on things I enjoy/have enjoyed, but can improve on. For instance, I'm proud of the fact that I've run two 10k runs and a triathlon - now, I'm training for them again! And as for the stupid numerical and deadline-focused goals, I'm going to the gym when I want to, and eating what I fancy - but taking care to enjoy the things I really want, and finding the healthiest alternatives possible in the meanwhile. When my mindset is right, just living right falls into place. But working on my mind is the hardest part - and the most crucial. It seems like such a simple change in thinking, but for me, my confidence and appearance have always been at its mercy. It has taken me years to figure out that I am my own worst enemy. It has also been an experience sorting out how I function best.

I'd really like to get the point where I can lose 5 pounds for a special occasion, or eliminate x-food from my diet just to see what happens. I'd love to workout cause I honestly love to. I know that's a way off, but today I realized that I want to eat healthy cause I'm seeing the results already. Although that may be a 'duh' moment for some, that was a giant leap for me, making this 2-week mark in my journey a very memorable one.

Love, Dani.

HAPPY/UNHAPPY

Things that make me HAPPY.

- delicious mandarin oranges.

- how happy Freddie is to see me, every single morning.

- sleeping in my bed.

- House, Heroes.

- basically anyone with super powers.

- working with my dearest (and only!) Asian friend.

- tea.

- Christmastime, including, but not limited to: carols, cookies, candycanes, stocking, presents, snow, cold, ice, pajama's, hot chocolate, chocolate, presents, giving, friends, and family.

- my laptop, and it's speeeeeeeeeeed. Macs rock. Period.

- whenever my dad makes up a word, tell a story, or imitates someone/thing.

- baking.

- old school punch-buggies.

- the John Mayer look-a-like who comes to my Starbucks every shift. PTL for lookers like you.

Things that make me UNHAPPY.

- Christmas decorations minus snow. ICK. Bring it on, Winter!

- slow internet. AKA - @ home.

- alarm clocks, timers, beeping things, and crying children. Especially crying children.

- when there's fresh baking to be enjoyed and I have spin class in 10 minutes. ARG.

- sometimes, being an adult.

- how my parent's tell me I'll never be able to get a kitty.

- how Aly told me I'd kill a kitty.

- how the John Mayer-wannabe doesn't know I stalk him every morning. So what if I have your coffee ready before you arrive? It's customer service, not customer stalking. Duuur.

oh man.

So earlier today, I received an email from Photobucket, a photo storing and editing site, stating that I need to reactive my account by next week to keep my current photo albums. I had completely forgotten about being a member of this site, so I curiously logged back in to see what I kept posted. And HOLY COW. I couldn't believe photos from my grade 10 year still existed. I was a freaky lookin' girl, let me tell you. Eyes ringed with eyeliner and hair pumped-up with backcomb volume stood as my signature style. Eek. I frightened myself even looking at those! Thank goodness those days are over. Yeesh.

Home is so grand. At this moment, I'm cheering on the Dallas Stars as they battle against the Van'goofs for a win this season. In my house, the Vancouver Canucks are not worthy to be the dirt upon our road. (According to Dad and Marsh) Seriously. I can't even say 'Canucks' - it's the Chunucks, if I must refer to such a team. I know: extreme, eh? But it's fun. Being deafened by the pounding bass of the TV and the overwhelmed by the cheering and hollering of every smart play and well-played goal add something to a Friday night at home. Not all that bad. Not at all.

One of the best parts of the Christmas season is the craft-showing that my Mom and I do together. Usually accompanied by a Starbucks coffee, it's always so fun finding tacky decorations we can make fun of, and searching for gems amidst the crap. When the Auntie A comes next weekend, there's growing list already in motion of things to see and places to be in order to kick-off the Christmas season. Flippin' eh - I can't wait!

Love, D.

seriously.

UGH. I dislike days when frustration overrides all other emotions. Like today.

At GAP, a lady asked me to get her a size X in a certain style of jeans. Easy enough, right? WRONG. After I brought back the wrong style cause some bimbo didn't care to organize the rack, I brought back the wrong color, and then still couldn't find the size on the floor. So after searching through the stock in the back, I still couldn't find anything. By now, I rushed to look up all the in-store product through a computer system. According to that, 5 pairs in this certain style and wash were in the store. But could anyone find them?! NOOO! By the end of the day, my store manager, brand manager, and two associates were scouring ever inch of the store. Turns out, they were all on the mannequins or NAILED to the wall above floor-long display shelves. So, many apologies, frustrating dead ends, and embarrassing moments later, my customer finally left with her freakin' jeans. Who knows why this whole mess irritated me so much... but it really left it's mark. Now I'm home, but still frazzled. For goodness sakes, it's only a pair of jeans. But still. I hate not being efficient, fast, and always right... HAHA, I make myself laugh.

Just when I began to believe in the male species again, some idiot waltzed along my path today and completely shot that thought of of my sky. Darn it. While working in the fitting room, I was paired with Mr. Arrogant. His attitude of self-righteousness was SO extreme, it was beyond even being humorous. I was privileged to hear about his 'extensive experience dealing with high-end retail', his driving motive in life to be as wealthy as possible, how the only suitable reward for work is monetary gain, his stance on t shirts (apparently they are unprofessional and disgraceful) and how his smoking habit actually made him cool. Man, I must be missing the wagon or something, cause this guy was a complete moron in my eyes. Why can't decency overshadow shallowness? How come I'm always left wondering how in the world I will find myself a husband, or even a boyfriend, for that matter? Yesterdays pleasant encounter seems to be a faded thought now. Maybe tomorrow can bring redemption? I certainly hope so.

D.

this and that.

After dealing with people all week, I've been thinking. I can handle various situations at work. Disgruntled customers, annoying employees, irresponsible trainees, management errors, you name it. But what about as a nurse? I mean, I feel confident in myself that I can properly handle what each day brings, but holy smokes: the things I deal with while making lattes and folding clothes are nowhere near the caliber of the situations I'll be meeting head-on in my profession. How can I ever be ready for that? Pft, someone who complains about getting 2% milk instead of non-fat in their over-personalized-latte has there socks matched properly compared to the parents who need to be told that they just lost their child on the operating table. Good grief. I'm a tad anxious, no lie.

Along the 'work' train of thought, the most BIZARRE thing happened on Monday. But let me backtrack for just a sec. In high school, in grade 10 to be exact, there were a group of grade 12 girls who hated my guts for spending time with one of their guy friends. This young guy and myself dated for only a short short time, but no kidding: these girls, and a certain one in particular, would go out of their way to shove me in the hallways, and deliberately point out every flaw of mine to my brand new interest. This whole cafuffle of nonsense pointed me to a new path, and I left my high school in town for one in the city, and went on to enjoy grade 11 and 12 as a typical teenager should. Praise 'da lord. But it TURNS OUT that the ring leader of that group from my grade ten days is now a Barista at my lovely Starbucks. Working with me. At the same time. SAME SHIFT. Oh yes, hilarious indeed. It has been years since grade 10, and a long long time since I've even thought about my lovely friend - can we call her Opal? - and the havoc she once caused me. Despite growing up and just getting over that deal all together, it was a little bizarre to be working with her, and almost as her superior. I'm an 'oldie' at my Starby's, so I thought that the moments when I was helping her with cash and whatnot stood out to be a little surreal in my mind. It's interesting to see, however, how people change, or remain stagnant, over a couple of years. Opal didn't budge a whole lot: my genuine 'good morning' was met with a forced smile, and my opened ended questions about her travels and past-times got only one-line answers. All in all, our shift together was fine and no references to our past was brought up. There's no need to. But I guess that marks our ground, right? Some people move on and grow up, while others still cling to the past and constantly search for a trace of what once made them 'cool'.

I appreciate the days when I meet a nice gentleman. These days occur around the nights of a blue moon, or the sightings a purple kangaroo. AKA: NEVER. But the other day, my good friends, I met an actual gentleman. (I understand that this term is relevant - for me, it's basically a guy who impresses me. It's proved to be harder than it seems!) It was my Starbucks, of all places. Another barista of my store, of whom I had never personally met, walked right up to me to introduce himself. It wasn't cocky or arrogant, but genuine. And he actually looked at me with a quiet confidence. In stark contrast, the usual word to describe my first impression is 'intimidating', and boy oh boy - it often shows on the faces of most guys I meet. But not with him, which I found so interesting. He remembered my name the first time I said it, and conclude our brief chat with a 'it was great to meet you Danielle, I hope to talk with you again soon!'. UM - confident much?! But just the right amount. He left me intrigued, and wondering when we actually would have a chance to talk again. Too bad he doesn't have dark features or a scruffy beard. We'd be married by now for sure.

My wireless connection at home is utterly awful. According to various tech people, some outside signal is blocking my connection between my Mac and our wi-fi. Essentially, any attempt to connect my laptop to the internet will surely have a detrimental effect on my health. I try to keep my attempts at a bare minimum, and save my patience for when I'm in dire need of a good rant-session. Hopefully this connection whatnot is all sorted out soon - I'll be updating my blog a lot more when this happens. But for now, that's all folks!

Love, D.

ps. - Christmas is in LESS THAN TWO MONTHS! Am I the only one who is counting down??

books, baking and painting.

I'm officially employed now. WOHOO. Except it's sorta stressful, seeing how my education depends on how much money I can save up between now and January 5th. Grant Mac requires all payments upfront. EEK. I'll be saving my shekels like mad, that's for sure.

Being employed always brings some form of adventure into my life. For instance - on Thursday, while working at GAP, I learnt how to fold clothes. It's WAY harder than it looks, let me tell you. I was told to refold t-shirts in this credenza in the middle isle of our store. I was instructed to make it look crisp and clean - like the piles were lifted right from a box. The end result, however, was an utter failure. Folding a wimpy t-shirt over a plastic board is awkward, and is made me feel like a total she-oger when the gay guys did this process while styling their hair and texting on their BlackBerry's. Needless to say, my talents and abilities do not exist in the realm of perfectionist folding. But I did realize that I have a knack for looking like I know what I'm doing when really, I don't have a clue. For example, when a customer came up to me and asked me for pair of hip-slung, boot cut, 36' inseam, yadayadayada... pants, I nodded in understanding through out her request, smiled sweetly, and directed her to the endless wall of store-brand jeans. From there, she was taken care by another associate. She had no idea of my inadequacies, the bizarre nature of her request, and the fact that it was only my second day. See? A happy customer and a smart-looking employee. Life is grand!

My room is finally done too. It has been a swell week: working, catching up on good reads, and enjoying days at home. I feel pretty proud of my new headquarters - I successfully trimmed all the corners and baseboards, complete with minimal smudging on the roof and carpet. So now, when I relax in my grand room, I take in pride in what I helped with! But sadly, the occupation of a painter is not for me.

A week of minimal activity spurs random events. Like baking cookies. My friend and I decided to devote an entire afternoon to the careful construction and precise handling of cookie baking. Result? An epic fail. It was impossible to taste the Skor chunks, but that may have been because the bottom was so burnt, all you could taste was charcoal! Or something like that. The list of professions I should never pursue seems to keep growing! I shall never be a baker.

I wish I could read for a living. I just finished two outstanding books that I regret finishing. 'After River', by Donna Milner, is a fantastic book with a quite a few surprising twists. The setting isn't anything fantastical, but the plot the weaves all the characters together and brings them to life - it is astonishing how genuine each character seems. Thumbs up, for sure. Also, 'Picture Perfect' by Jodi Picoult is SO SO SO GOOD. In a nutshell, a woman with amnesia is found by a police officer and is then returned to her husband, who happens to be a Hollywood hotshot actor. That story line is mixed in with the plot of the cop: he's a Native, and struggling with his identity and heritage. When everything comes together, it's incredible. One of her best books, I'd say.

Such is life right now - working during the day, and enjoying home life in the evening. I've still got my goal dead on for Winter admission, and can't wait to get there. For now though, I'm completely content reading and working, and figuring out what I should not do as a professional occupation!

Enjoy,

D.