RN and beyond.

Well, hi!

I started this blog years ago, when I first began my nursing journey at 18. I initially moved to Langley, BC, didn't make it past Thanksgiving, and then started at MacEwan that winter semester. I've been updated this little blog off and on throughout the years, capturing little glimpses of my journey throughout. Now I'm 23 and a fully licensed RN.... Where did the time go?

For those of you in and around my life, it's no surprise that I've been seriously struggling with the nursing profession. From about third-year onwards, I've been standing on the edge of (and sometimes jumping into) total dislike for this profession.

I had the opportunity to escape reality for a few months, where I had the much needed opportunity to step-back and reevaluate my current situation. Up to the point, every shift was a struggle, I faked my enthusiasm on the floor, and would lose sleep the night before. I had lost my perspective. Despite having had the amazing fortune of landing two casual positions in highly-regarded units, my dislike for nursing jaded my outlook on life entirely.

With time away from the hospital, my position, and any sense of 'normal', I learned a lot more about myself, my passions, and where I should direct my efforts. I came back with a sense of appreciation for my career and the opportunities it allows to me to further my passion for learning and education, which I'll be pursuing in fall. I also came back with a renewed desire to stay within the healthcare realm, as there is such an unbelievable amount of suffering in this world.

So where am I now? I'm happily (yes, actually happy!) working in a casual position at the hospital, tremendously motivated by the prospect of returning to school this fall. I've faced and acknowledged the reasons for my previous struggles and am working on those parts of my practice. Although good days still come with bad ones, I feel as if I'm in a new place to begin moving forward.

So I suppose I'm kinda back to blogging here, as my journey just keeps continuing on!

D.

end of one journey, beginning of another.

While sitting here enjoying the holidays with my family, I realized that I'm not rushing back to anything. No residence, no homework, no new semester, no classes. I'm a graduated student. A working professional. And I can't ever remember being in a position like this before!! 

My preceptorship ended on a high note as I was able to squeak into a casual position in Burns as well as a cardiothoracic surgery unit. I'm equally happy for the time off to recover though - 10 weeks of a steep learning curve was certainly testing my limits. It was encouraging to see myself grow, however. By the 7th week I was pretty much in control of my own rodeo, and able to juggle the demands of the ICU. Although I am nowhere near expert or pro, it was encouraging to realize that I at least learned a few things during my preceptorship! 

My official graduation ceremony is in a week's time, and then BAM. Off into the working world I go. Rent to pay, student loans to figure out, and a massive RN exam to study for. 

I'm not sure how to be feeling about all of this, to be honest. The school environment is what I know and love, and the working world just seems mundane... I'm worried I'll be living to work, and so life will go. Perhaps I'm just nervous of the unknown. 

Regardless, I need to remember to be thankful. For my degree that has already landed me two casual positions. For a remarkable four years that has taught me more about myself and the human spirit than I could've imagined. 

The New Year will bring a lot of change, good and uknown! Although my nursing student adventure may have come to a close, I'm sure another one is quickly beginning. 

Merry Christmas!

D.

burns burns & burns.

Holy hanna, what an incredible rotation! I feel like it's been non-stop go go go since day 1. I just came off a stretch of nights, and think I've finally switched over... if you consider a 1pm wake-up normal.

Burns ICU is sorta something that's difficult to explain unless you are in it. Everything looks different, smells different, is done differently. Our patients can look like mummies, often bandaged head to toe. It can smell pretty gnarly, especially during dressing changes with a lot of blood (fresh or dry) and surgical fluids. Speaking of which - these dressing changes can take hours, or be so painful that sedation is required. My tolerance for 'gross' things has exponentially grown these past few weeks as well... skin that is healing, burnt, rotten, falling off, grafted, sutured, staples, stretched, debrided, or removed can take on all sorts of sights and smells. I'm positive my stomach and nose have taken on an iron layer.

My stress level is also on high, all the time. Not a bad stress, but like: "my lanta, I have one job - to keep this patient alive". It's pretty intimidating. Although I've worked as a UNE all the summer, there is a minimal amount of knowledge of skill that is transferable from that environment to this. It's my responsibility to monitor pH levels, electrolytes, output to the single mL's, fluid balance, and blood gas values. That's a whole heck of a lot more than I've been juggled before, especially on top of regular patient care tasks.

In a previous post or two, I mentioned how I struggle with looking after young patients. Well guess what - 90% of our patients are young men! But it does make sense - the most common reasons for admissions include: workplace/farming accidents (ie: exploding gasoline or diesel), reckless behaviour (ie: ATV vs. truck), excessive drinking or drug use, suicide attempts, or lighting fires (ie: burning garbage). So I've gotten over that pretty quickly! It still is tough, but I have learned to kinda section that part off of my mind, and get down to what needs to be done.

So now: just a month and 1/2 left until I graduate. HOLY HANNA. I'm gunning to get a position on this unit, so here's hoping! I can certainly see myself here. But on that note... the medicine itch, an idea I thought I had successfully squashed, is still bugging me. What a love/hate relationship I have! I still have time to mull it over these following weeks.

Happy November!

D.

preceptorship!

I can officially say that I've survived two shifts in the Burns ICU. WHOOP! My final placement started on Thursday, and is off to a fantastic start.

Wednesday night I could hardly sleep. I kept worrying about my alarm not going off, getting lost in the hospital (which is the same one I currently am employed in), and meeting my preceptor only to realize she was part monster. 

After a restless night, Thursday morning came and so did many amazing things. I was early for my shift, found the unit without a hitch, and met my darling preceptor (zero parts monster, might I add). 

The unit cares for a mixed bag of patients - of either burn or general ICU status. So even in two days, I was exposed to quite the variety of situations. 

I have never been in a unit this intimidating before. Not in a bad sense, but in a "now this is stuff is getting real" kind of sense. The machines are literally keeping most patients alive - there is a rhythmic beeping to the entire area. Some individuals are completely bandaged from head to toe, or have so many tubes from so many places that it's dizzying. 

The amount of knowledge I eventually (as a RN) will be required to retain is enormous. The role of the nurse in this type of area is leaps and bound ahead of that of my previous placements - the responsibility and autonomy is refreshing, and also a little bit scary. I'm sure that even after 10 weeks, I'll still be bobbing along with unknown areas of grey in my practice. 

I'm very, very excited to be in this unit, and looking forward to the challenges and learning curves to come! 

D.

young young.

I'm so tired of caring for patients who are my age!!

I struggle caring for this age group the most because A) my heart breaks/I want to cry - they should be out in the world, enjoying life and B) see the previous point.

Good grief. The nature of our unit does admit a lot of young individuals with cystic fibrosis (short life expectancy) and interstitial or unexplainable lung diseases/cancers (ie: construction workers - young men).

I'm tired of it because it hurts my heart to see them there. No young man should sit in a hospital room all summer, unable to enjoy the sunshine, because his chest tubes are attached to wall suction. No mother should have to change the code status of her 19 year old to palliative because his second set of donor-lungs are failing. No young wife should die while waiting for a set of lungs, for the second time, after beating cancer as a teenager.

I do not resent caring for them at all, not for second. But it is challenging because it boldly reminds me of this emotional heart I have, which I often like to keep hidden and neatly tucked away.

D.

old, but still young.

But even if I am old enough to think about graduate school... I'm still too young to deal with the fact that my best friend's mum just got diagnosed with breast cancer. 

longest post EVER.

There is nothing more inspiring and joyous than the beauty of fall. It is literally my favorite time of year. I find myself jumping from one fall-themed activity to the next: overdosing on pumpkin spice lattes, lotions and candles, decorating my cottage, and wearing boots every single day. It is just glorious. And it has also marked the beginning of a school year for the last 16 years of my life (woah!).

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to life. About what makes me happy, how I should fill my time, where I should steer my career, and whatnot. About how I should let what truly makes me joyous and what I am passionate about guide my next steps. I am in the happiest point of my life right now, and in 100% agreement that it gets better after high school.

During the past couple months my attitude towards nursing has had a complete turnaround. Literally, a 180. I don’t think it could’ve been more different. I was LOATHING every moment during my labor and delivery rotation, counting down the minutes to the weekend, barely able to fake my enthusiasm with every baby bath. I was preoccupied with a new beau, and getting adjusted to the uber-social RA role I had recently taken on in residence. One year later, and I’m here. Truer to myself that I’ve ever been, independent and beginning to see my own inner beauty. I’ve settled into a lovely little cottage I am so thrilled to call home, and feeling proud about choosing nursing as a career.  

A combination of events have led me to realize that staying in the education-realm is where I should be. I am currently in the tail end of my leadership rotation, and my eyes have really been opened to the roles and responsibilities of RN’s beyond bedside nursing. Both my coach and instructor have been great influences on possible career options. I’ve always admired the work of professors and instructors, and I find teaching to be an admirable profession.

I’ve reflected a lot over my childhood dream of being a doctor. In reality, it’s a lot different from theory. A lot. Medicine has turned out to be a lot different than what I had thought it was (or perhaps I was the one who changed... )

I’m also realizing that nursing can be a badass profession. Badass as in, essential. Critical. Requiring guts, a brain, a heart. Not for the weak (ahem - see previous post!). All through school I’ve had this image in my mind that nursing was fluffy and touchy-feely. And for the most part, it is. But I wish I had a role model through my undergrad that could’ve represented the other side of it – perhaps I wouldn’t have resented it so much. But I’ve learned for myself this other side of it, and I’m realizing it’s not so bad after all. I’ve learned to be proud in calling myself a nurse. 

All this being said, my favorite place is to be in school. I love the environment, the lifestyle, and the way of life. I haven't thrown away pursuing a career in bedside nursing - I just know that sooner or later, I'll end up back in class :) So with the end of this degree looming closely, I’m looking ahead! The possibility of being an instructor or professor sounds very appealing. And with imminent winter graduation comes the potential of beginning a graduate program in fall…. A MASTERS PROGRAM! My stars, I can’t believe that graduate school is a very real possibility for me. So more details on that to come :) 

Well - I suppose you could’ve just skipped the body of this very long post to this point right here: I am so happy with life and school. Life is good. And I’m definitely addicted to pumpkin spice lattes. 

D.